Alex and I got married young. He was 19 and I was 21. After a while, we got use to people using phrases like "You're so young, be prepared for when the honeymoon ends" or "Just wait. Real life is coming." It was as though these people who had lived more so called "life", resumed this authoritative position to "fill us in" on what our marriage and future life were going to look like. But instead of that causing us to fear, every time it happened it spurred us on further to believe that the God who created marriage was the one who gets to say how it goes. Experience, yours or others', does not have the last say.
Today this concept hit a little bit harder in a different way. I was in the grocery store with my precious 4 girls. Our now 3 year olds who we lovingly call "the twinzies" were sitting in the basket of the cart, the one year old in the baby seat, and our 6 year old walked by my side as my helper. I can't tell you how many people tell me "Well, your hands are full!", but today the comment had a different flare to it. The kindly man came strolling around the aisle corner, and in an instant, his face resembled getting slapped. But not with a physical object, rather, with expression. This expression would seem to reflect that he had seen Mother Teresa. As he passed by he leaned over close to me and said: "You have SOME courage." I smiled politely and responded "I am blessed", and we parted ways. After going from two children to four children instantaneously, I notice the looks now are not admiring my two little girls anymore. Instead, I most often see critical eyes. Having 4 littles under 6 who all look similar ages is overboard for this culture. The ugly head of experience rears in their minds and reflects on their faces while they pass my cart. Did you know that 90 percent of communication is body language? Only a former mime may think this way.
Seems that if people have experience in an area, they will share (or not share, while still insinuating what they would share in their mood). As Alex and I embark on a whole new journey, the adoption journey, we have found the same to be true here too. It is as though there were two groups of people "the naive" and "the ones who know". Similarly to marriage, the adoption honeymoon phase is lived by Christians who have never done it. It's seen as a "high calling", romanticized as beautiful, redemptive and godly. But then there's the other side of the camp with people who are doing it, in the deep, dark trenches of making a family one that was not. They feel sorry that you started this journey, because they know how much it will ask of you. But just like marriage, I want to believe that experience does not get the last say.
We are Christians. Christ followers. Essentially, it means we are no longer in charge of our lives. We are living sacrifices (Romans 12:1) that God intends to be evidences of HIM in whatever he calls you to live. Somewhere along the road though, we begin to believe that if we do things the "right way" - our life will be comfortable, happy or at least pleasant. I think Job's friends were caught in this lie too. They were convinced all his pain and suffering were due to some kind of sin in his life. If he would just confess it and repent, surely God would begin to bless him once again. But that was not the case. What if God gave Job over to Satan's power, out of his own loving authority, because God wanted glory there?! God was calling Job to live for God in the midst of unbelievable circumstances. Was God wrong to do this? No.
The world may have every "experience" under their belts that prove that the things of God are broken. It's the world, what do you expect? But the people of God are SENT to those places to live out a reality of God that proves HE is bigger than anything. We are living testimonies of an impossible, merciful God. Starting with our salvation! The most impossible work of Christ on the cross has been imputed to US! But it only continues when God himself asks us to follow him into areas of life that are IMPOSSIBLE without his intervention. Things like living in purity, family, marriage, church unity and adoption. Things the WORLD only know as broken because we humans CAN'T do them ourselves and be good. These things are meant to test us to our core because God wants the glory for doing it through you. He never asks us to do it for Him. We should ALWAYS feel needy. The needier the better in fact.
That includes all areas. Your friend with stage 4 cancer. Your children with special needs. The ministry that fell apart at the seams. Your broken marriage and subsequent broken family relationships. That "last resort" in your adoption journey. God showed up in Job's life at the end of much complaining - by saying that He does not fit in that box of karma (getting what you deserve. In Job's case, he "deserved" better, and got worse). God sends his children through deep dark pits only so HE can show up in the middle of them. He allows truly horrific things, not to delight in our death - but to gain glory. And that glory my friend, is the very best you can ever have. Not a happy unified family or having a full bank account. Witnessing God manifest his power and love on earth should be our earthly aim. "Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven".
Let us live like Christians. Not looking to our experience to define what is good, but looking with eyes fixed on our great and wonderful savior, God, to do what only He can do! We prayed this phrase often after our daughter Anna was diagnosed with a fatal diagnosis at 21 weeks. We prayed and asked God to heal her! An impossible work. We also prayed that if He chose to take her from us, that He would enable us to walk through that deep grief-filled valley with strength and grace. That too - was an IMPOSSIBLE work that He needed His OWN children to walk and become living evidences that there is NO PLACE GOD HASN'T GONE. Our lives prove that God is bigger than our brokenness. Don't let a child like faith be perceived as naivety. I can testify of his power and grace in the midst of what seems like endless pain. He shows up. But let us first "believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him." Hebrews 11:6. Let us be faithful to measure our lives not according to the impossible work, but according to the existence of our impossible God.
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