Hello, everyone!
Today I wanted to talk about some tips to survive a bad day as a stay at home mom! As some of you may know, I became a first time mom in February 2024 and my journey into motherhood has been full of ups and downs.
While I absolutely LOVE being a mom and I especially love the privilege of staying home full time with my little one, there have been some TOUGH days (and a few rough weeks in there too) to try to work through.
Because I stay home, I felt so guilty for struggling in my role (especially with only one kiddo to watch) and it often drove me further and further into a place of guilt, shame and negativity. And very quickly my bad mood began to rub off on everyone in my family, including my beautiful and beloved child.
Online and in life, I saw stay-at-home moms seemingly everywhere who were trendy, on top of their game, well dressed and managing large families of 4 or more children who weren't exuding the absolute exhaustion and overwhelm I was feeling.
So what was I doing wrong? Why couldn't I just "get it together" and deal with ONE child without grumbling or complaining? What was wrong with me?
First of all, dear momma, if you are feeling this way, know that you are NOT ALONE. Moms all over the world are struggling with tough days. Days where the kids just won't get along and the thought of cooking dinner can nearly bring them to tears. You are NORMAL.
You are also a wonderful, beautiful and beloved creation from God who was put on this earth for a purpose. But you are also a human being with limits. We need rest, food, love and work to live a fulfilled life.
Even the most "spiritual" followers of God in the Bible needed to take a break and rest every now and then. Moses, Elijah, Paul and even Jesus Himself had bad days. Having a bad day doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It means we need to step back and take a look at the big picture and trust God to do a work in and through us to make us more like Him.
Now that we have that out of the way I want to take you through a few tips and tricks I use to help me get through a bad day as a SAHM and I hope that they will help you find your way back to the light again.
give yourself some grace
Remember: Everyone has bad days.
If you are having a bad day, it means you are actively participating in life!
If you did nothing but stay inside your home, follow a completely set and stable routine from morning to night, and didn't interact with anyone in a meaningful way, nothing would become out of sorts, but you also wouldn't be living your life to the fullest.
Everyone who clocks in and out at a job is going to have a bad day at some point and just because you are a stay at home mom doesn't mean you can't have any bad days either. There's no requirements to meet in order to be allowed to have a bad day. It's part of being human.
So give yourself some grace and do not feel guilty for having a bad day. No need to pile guilt on top of everything else you are going through today.
try to pinpoint the root of the problem
Although it is completely normal to have a bad day, don't let it overwhelm you completely. It's imperative we do not let our feelings dictate our actions in fleeting (or not so fleeting) moments of heartache and/or negativity. Try to pinpoint where your frustration is coming from.
Burn out? Lack of sleep? A rebellious child you need a little break from? Are there other stressors that need to be addressed with a spouse or partner? Do you just need to get a few minutes of peace and quiet to reset?
Once you address the problem, you can find solutions.
Misbehaving kid? Try to have your spouse or partner or a close family member handle them for a few minutes so you can get some separation. Or consider setting the child up with a movie or favorite tv show to keep them occupied for 20-30 minutes while you do something relaxing to help reset your emotions. Sometimes I just need to put my child in her crib (after feeding, changing, playing, etc) and let her fuss and I jump in the shower for 10 minutes to reset. (Don't worry, I keep her baby monitor where I can hear it clearly in the shower in case of any kind of emergency).
Whatever it is, try to think through the problem at hand and see if there's any way you can solve it right now or soon. When you're flying blind and are unsure of what is contributing to your sour mood, it can seem impossible to take back the day again.
give yourself permission to do the bare minimum
And I don't mean the bare minimum you strive for on a good day.
I mean the bare-minimum-to-keep-everyone-alive minimum. My own bad-day-bare-minimum can vary a bit depending on how sour my mood is but usually, it consists of simply keeping the house at a reasonable level of clean (cleaning up any major spills, etc) and ordering food for dinner. No one gets dressed for the day unless we have to. I don't go over and above to figure out complicated activities for my kiddo. I just let her do what she wants (safely, of course!) and I feel no guilt for it.
I give you permission to do only what needs to be done.
Everyone needs to eat, sleep, and rest and that's it. If you have managed to keep everyone fed and safe you have done your job for today. Start again on all the other chores and issues at hand tomorrow.
get out of the house
A change of scenery can do wonders for everyone!
It doesn't even mean loading everyone up and going to the park. This can be as simple as taking a walk with your kids in your own yard. Look for interesting things to draw their attention and bring some indoor toys outside, if that helps.
There are some days for rules to be set aside and it's your prerogative as a parent to choose when and why. Perhaps today is that day.
make some time to do something for you
Even if you can only spare 5-10 minutes from your kids until someone else can come help you. Journal. Doodle. Sew. Put some headphones on with good music or get your kiddos involved and have a dance party! If you can make it through the day, perhaps try to have your partner handle the bedtime routine tonight or whatever part of the routine is normally yours.
If that is just not feasible, make time after the kids get to bed to reset. Jump in the shower and relax. Journal about how you are feeling. PLEASE try not to scroll mindlessly on your phone! Do something offline that is purely to make you happy. Have a cup of tea and just stare out the window and be happy that the day is over!
make plans to do something fun
Sometimes whiny or fussy kids just need a change up in their routine! Consider doing something spontaneous and fun with your kids instead of fighting with them. Pack everyone up and go to a new park or lake near you. Go to the zoo. Go to a kid's museum. Pack them up and get out of the house.
If you don't want to leave with the kids, declare today a movie day! Play movie theater with your kids and make pretend tickets to see their favorite movies! Pop some popcorn and make some snacks (as healthy or unhealthy as you want!) to go around. Everyone gets to watch something of their choice.
Whatever it is, make a game of it! As the saying goes, "You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar," I believe the same is largely true with kids. Kids respond better to positivity and they need things to do to stay busy and engaged. Busy and engaged children are generally, well behaved children.
take a nap or just simply rest
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is take a nap.
Burn out and tiredness can zap our energy and zest in even the most peppy individual. Try to get as much sleep as you need. Especially on a bad day.
After lunch, consider implementing a "nap time". When I was growing up, we had around an hour after lunch was cleaned up and put away that was our "nap time". We could choose to nap or read or we could play very quietly in our rooms, but the point was we needed to be quiet and we needed to spend some time alone.
Did we always make it the full hour? No. But as we got older it became a time of refuge for everyone to reset before the end of the day. AND it gave my mother an hour of peace and quiet. She was able to nap or read or simply enjoy the quiet of the house for one hour before we began our kid-shenanigans again and I think it was GENIUS.
However you manage to do it, try to get some rest! You don't necessarily have to sleep, but lay down and stay off your phone. Rest. Relax.
You'd be amazed at how much a simple nap can help brighten your day!
make a list of things to be grateful for
Once you get to bed tonight, make a mental list of things to be grateful for. This doesn't have to be cliche, forced or made up.
Be grateful that it's bedtime and everyone is asleep.
Be grateful that you overcame a bad day by not giving up.
Be grateful for your loved ones.
You don't have to overdo it, but remembering the big picture and how many things we can take for granted can really help but a positive spin to the end of a tough day. There are people all over the world going to bed tonight with much bigger problems than us and even though that doesn't invalidate our feelings, it can help to put things in a more positive perspective as we anticipate another day tomorrow.
Be thankful for your family's health. Be thankful for your support systems. Be thankful for anything and everything you can think of.
Well, dear mama, I hope this helps you find peace no matter what your situation! It can be so hard staying home, but it is such a privilege we have to shape and mold and enjoy these children. The days seem long, but the years are short and before we know it, these hard days will be a distant memory.
You are doing great, dear friend.
Keep fighting the good fight.
It will be worth it.
Until next time,
Kins
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