It's all fate, and how this woman, attributed her cancer to her husband's affair, and how the rest of the families made her feel she's to blame for all of it…translated…
Reading up on the article by the writer, Lee on June 30th, "Trip to Celebrate My Divorce", it'd reminded me of a patient whom I'd looked after in the hospice, on sharing with me the "side effects of an extramarital affair".
I'm a volunteer of the hospice program, J is a terminal breast cancer patient, the records show she was married, with a daughter in high school, but her husband and daughter rarely visited her.
In a casual conversation when I was massaging her to help her with the pains, J told me, that she is the best witness, the embodiment of how emotions affected health, and all of her negative feelings, started from her husband's extramarital affair; but what killed her was the "aftermath" of what occurred after his affair had, ended, it'd turned her character from gentle, optimistic to becoming suspicious.
From before, as she'd gazed toward her husband, she always felt so much love in her eyes, then, it'd turned into a stare-down at him, and only thought of how this, honest looking man had, cheated on her………and she kept replaying the scenes of how her husband was having sex with the other woman.
If she saw her husband texting messages on his cell phone, she'd run over to him, and grabbed his phone away, then became, hysterical, grilled him on who he'd been in contact with? And naturally, this sort of an interaction caused the marriage to be filled with conflicts. Her husband meant, "I'd already apologized, broken it off with her, what else do you want me to do? Why can't you just, let bygones be bygones, and just live our lives? You are making our relationship worse!"
What upset her was her families' attitudes on the events, her mother-in-law consoled with her, "you need to be the bigger woman, let it go, just forgive your husband for the mistake of any man, everybody's husband cheats!" attempted to rationalize her own son's, affair. Her daughter in high school told her, "dad's already apologized, don't punish yourself with dad's mistakes, your moods are affecting all of us!" Her eldest sister-in-law told, "you need to look hard at yourself, he must've needed to have the affair for reasons that you are not good enough, or you're not doing enough, besides, he'd already, apologized!"
J told, "it's like after he'd apologized, he'd become, innocent, and every negative emotion I had, are all, unreasonable, that I was the one with the narrow mind. Nobody ever CARED how much I'd had to, take in? I wanted a better life more than any and everyone else, but I can't help, but replay these bad things. Sometimes, I'd wanted a divorce, but felt uneven, I'd originally wanted to wait for time to ease the pains, then, I'd, fallen, ill."
J who's originally having breathing problems, because of her getting emotional, and talking too much, grew weaker still, I'd immediately told her to shut her eyes to take a short break, then, exited out of her room. The image that came to my head was, J, covering the bleeding wound with her own hand in the wind and rain, and everybody told her to get better quickly, but nobody came to shelter her with an umbrella, or bandage up her injuries, nobody empathized with her, nobody took her to seek help.
Based off of the regulations, the volunteers' jobs are only in showing care and concerns for the patients, being a listener, and so, I'd, mentioned J's situation to the social worker, and had the social worker bring by a therapist to help J, so she can, finish her final passage of life, with no regrets plaguing her, mind.
So, this woman felt, victimized by her husband's affair, and her in-laws behaviors, it'd made her feel that she wasn't good enough, which is in what happens a whole lot in the traditional Chinese cultures, when the husbands cheat, it's always the WIVES who didn't do something or had done something to upset them, and this, is the poison of PATRIARCHY, and this woman suffered from that, and, it'd caused her systems to grow weak, for cancer to find its way into her, and now, she has nobody, because everybody she ever thought she could rely on, whom she gave her whole life to, left her side….
No comments:
Post a Comment