Are your daily practices aligned with who you are at core? If you find yourself craving a sense of balance or deeper meaning, this could be the catalyst to change everything.
But what if you could align your homeschool with what truly matters instead of trying to fit into someone else's mold? What if your routines and choices felt authentic and joyful, rather than burdensome?
Today I intend to explore how to homeschool with integrity: how to stay true to your values, how to live this homeschool mom life with integrity by aligning your activities with your values, learning to trust your intuition, and letting go of external pressures.
(The inspiration for this episode).
Caveat: in this discussion, in The Way of Integrity, Martha Beck explains that integrity involves aligning with one's true self and deep knowing, creating a sense of wholeness and authenticity, while moral imperatives represent external rules imposed by society or authority that may pressure individuals to conform, often leading to conflict with their genuine feelings and desires.
When I first meet a new homeschool mom in coaching, I ask a series of questions to get a semblance of what she really cares about. I do this during the entire coaching program as the longer we hang out together, the more clear we both are in what matters to her.
My goal is to help her align who she really is, what she really values, with what she's actually doing.
In the last couple weeks, I went LIVE on socials. I asked the three-word question that can shift everything you do, every choice you make in your homeschool, every activity you put into your routine, whether something related to your kids, your needs, and even everything you put into your online shopping carts.
The three-word question? What really matters?
Though I often am initially introduced to a homeschool mom with a scenario related to her homeschool life.
You know, something like this:
"I have homeschooled for 19 years with 8 more years to go. Help! I'm beyond TIRED. I'd love inspiration to continue on the journey. Oh, and how did you cultivate self-motivated learners?"
Or this...
"Just starting homeschooling. Feeling excited but overwhelmed. I need support and reassurance."
Or even this...
"I've been fully homeschooling for 4 years now (off and on before that). My kiddos are all elementary level in their work currently, one has more significant special needs. Already planning out our next year together! I want to know how we harmonize homeschooling/making our kids a priority and making sure we take care of ourselves?! I so easily swing into one extreme or the other and feel like I'm walking a tightrope to find that sweet spot between caring for others and caring for myself too."
Here's what I don't do in coaching...
- Prescribe a method,
- Prescribe a curriculum,
- Prescribe a life.
I don't tell you how to live your life. Oh, I could, oh and people definitely ask me to do it, but I've learned that even if I did, it wouldn't work.
How do I know?
- because I've parented teenagers, and I know that no one wants to be told what to do
- I've been a teenager, and no one wants to be told what to do
- because what I've learned in life and what I'm being called to do in life isn't the same as you
- and therefore "a life prescription" won't likely align with your integrity
If you want to homeschool with integrity and stay true to your values, here are a few questions to consider.
These questions will help you clarify what really matters...
1. Who are you really, and how does the person you are aligned with what you're doing or who you're friends with today?
2. When you're craving time away, what is the reason you're craving time away, what would you do if you had more of it, and if you could build something beyond your homeschool life, what would you build or create?
3. Are there areas where you feel you've had to compromise?
4. How do you handle unsolicited advice about your homeschool? Have you ever felt torn between your intuition and meeting other's expectations?
5. Have there been moments in your homeschooling journey when you realized you were out of alignment with your true desires? How did you course-correct?
And if you want to homeschool with integrity and stay true to your values, ask these journal questions too.
6. Has there been a time when you changed your homeschool methods or curriculum to reflect your family's needs or values better?
7. How do you manage the pressure to create a 'perfect' homeschool environment? Why does the idea of "perfect" even matter to you?
8. How much of your homeschool decisions are based on your intuition about what's right for your children versus following conventional education or even conventional homeschool wisdom?
9. What aspects of your homeschool family life bring you the most joy and fulfillment, and how do those align with your family's values and goals?
Wayne Dyer shared, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
And Martha Beck shares, "If you want to experience inner peace, you need to explore your "Do not mention zone".
Ask yourself:
- "What I'm most afraid to know is..."
- "What I'm pretending not to see is..."
- "What I don't want anyone else to know is..."
- "If anyone else knew, I'm afraid that..."
Here are lessons from The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck for homeschool moms is an excellent self-coaching tool.
1. Align Homeschooling with your Personal Values...
"In [our] rush to conform, we often end up ignoring or overruling our genuine feelings—even intense ones, like longing or anguish—to please our cultures. At that point, we're divided against ourselves. We aren't in integrity but in duplicity"-- "The Way of Integrity" by Martha Beck
What you can do:
Easy thought:
Reflect on whether your curriculum choices align with your true values instead of conforming to your local homeschool community's expectations.
More challenging thought:
Ask yourself if your routine, the time you spend, the activities you choose, and even the extracurriculars you sign up for really reflect your values, or if you're doing them because everyone else is doing them.
Even more challenging thought:
Are you participating in particular organizations that don't support who you really are anymore? Are you "making nice exchanges" with friends or family and feeling like you're not being your true self when you're with them?
2. Recognize and Heal from your Internal Conflicts...
"Integrity is the cure for unhappiness. Period."--"The Way of Integrity" by Martha Beck
What you can do:
Easy thought:
Set aside time to assess areas of homeschooling or parenting that cause stress. You can do this via journaling, a helpful tool to identify where you are pushing yourself to meet external expectations and where you might need to reduce internal conflict.
More intentional effort:
Book a conversation with me to learn more about coaching and how it can be a facilitating tool to get clear on your internal conflict. I like to say I'm a clarifier, a challenger, and a cheerleader. Right down to the metaphorical pom poms.
In the words of one homeschool mom I met in person last week...
"I hadn't fully realized how important it is to have a safe space to look at all the layers of the home learning lifestyle and (my)self, with someone who truly gets it and has lived it. Just speaking out loud some of my thoughts/worries/hopes/stuck spots, and having them reflected back, and having you hold the space was already so helpful.
3. Trust Your Inner Guidance and Intuition...
"Above all, please learn to trust your inner teacher. Your instincts will tell you when things are true for you"--"The Way of Integrity" by Martha Beck
What you can do:
Easy thought:
You have permission to do it your way: you can learn to trust your instincts when it comes to knowing what works best for your children. If a method or schedule feels off, it might be time to pivot. The beauty of this home education thing is that you are supposed to be individualizing an education for your kids. They are not in a brick-and-mortar classroom, not bound by an institutionalized life, and you decided to home educate because...why? Whatever that why is, follow that...trust your instincts.
More challenging thought:
Regular mindfulness practices, meditation, prayer, or quiet reflection can help you tap into this inner wisdom, making decisions that feel right for your family. But that means you need to schedule that time. Choose a day, put it on your calendar, and bring your journal.
More communal thought:
You're always invited to the Confident Homeschool Mom Collective to have those introspective chats with other homeschool moms who want to homeschool their kids authentically, confidently & purposefully too.
So, dear homeschool mom, if you want to homeschool with integrity: stay true to your values, trust your gut!
4. Set Boundaries to Stay in Integrity
"It's simple logic: if you don't walk your true path, you don't find your true people. You end up in places you don't like, learning skills that don't fulfill you, adopting values and customs that feel wrong"--"The Way of Integrity" by Martha Beck
What you can do:
Easy thought:
Homeschool moms often face criticism or unsolicited advice from well-meaning relatives, friends, or even strangers. Living in integrity means you need to protect your time and energy. If you're an INFJ in Meyer's Briggs, Enneagram 4, highly sensitive person, determining to organize the community homeschool co-op is not designed for you. Learn how much time and energy you actually have and live within those margins.
More challenging thought:
Just this week, practice saying "no" to outside obligations that don't align with your homeschool or personal goals. If you want to homeschool with integrity: stay true to your values--what can you remove from your to-dos this year?
ps As my husband and I were coming in from a leisurely "Netflix and chill evening" from our patio under the stars, I mused on how much I miss the homeschool family life. "Hmmm," he mused, "what I don't miss is the constant back-and-forth driving to town."
Even more challenging thought:
For those partnered or married. Do you want to be? And why are you still? Girlfriend, we just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this past week--I'm in awe and gratitude to have celebrated these years, these stories, this remarkably significant growth journey alongside my husband. So lest you think I don't value this relationship, that's most definitely not what I'm saying.
Get clear on why you're married or partnered, and why you want to be. I remember one friend, who was divorced and remarried, share with another friend a jarring question: do you WANT to be married though?
This is a question worthy to answer. Because if you do want to be partnered with your person, but not in the way you've been doing it, you're living out of alignment. If you don't want to be partnered to your person, but you're doing it because you feel you have to, for so many possible reasons, you're living out of alignment. Your internal sense of integrity is being messed with. Consider sorting that out.
5. Model Integrity to your Children...
"If you hold on to your self-respect and truth, you'll find the power to create a life of joy for yourself and your children"--"The Way of Integrity" by Martha Beck
What you can do:
When kids see their mom prioritizing alignment with her truth, they learn to value authenticity and self-awareness in their lives too.
Moms can incorporate lessons on emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and authentic living by living it out in from of them. They can encourage children to explore their own interests, ask questions, and be honest about their feelings. And you can affirm it by listening.
- The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck
- Homeschool Unrefined by Angela Sizer and Maren Goerss
- The Awakened Family by Shefali Tsaberry
- Homeschool Mama Self-Care: Nurturing the Nurturer by Teresa Wiedrick
- The Not So Big Life by Sarah Susanka
- The Joy of Slow by Leslie Martino
- Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
- Modern Miss Mason by Leah Boden
- The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
- Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor-Gatto
6. Let Go of Perfectionism
"The secret to happiness is simple: commit your whole being to whatever is true for you. Don't resist it, don't fight it—just flow with it. That's integrity"--"The Way of Integrity" by Martha Beck
Beck's focus on living in alignment with truth, rather than perfection, can liberate homeschool moms from the pressure to create a perfect homeschooling experience.
Homeschooling is a journey of growth and learning for both the parent and the child. Do you notice how aligning with what you know to be true helps you let go of rigid standards and allows room for creativity, spontaneity, and more presence in your day-to-day? What's not to love here!?
What you can do:
Instead of striving for perfection in the homeschool life, you can focus on being present to the messy, noisy, demanding life that is the homeschool mom life, and also work to create an environment where growth and authenticity take precedence over rigid expectations.
Then your perfectionist tendencies will disappear into the woodwork just as the newly purchased scissors disappeared too.
So how to homeschool with integrity: how to stay true to your values?
Consider incorporating any of the six lessons above.
I hope this will bring you more alignment and joy in your homeschool mom journey.
If you're looking for even more support and a community that really gets it, come join us in the Confident Homeschool Mom Collective. It's a space where you can be the real you, we can lift each other, celebrate our wins, and overcome our challenges together. I'd love to see you there!
People also ask:
Teresa Wiedrick
I help overwhelmed homeschool mamas shed what's not working in their homeschool & life, so they can show up authentically, purposefully, and confidently in their homeschool & life.
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