I had a mama friend ask me yesterday how I felt about Lily turning one soon. And I'm not sure I've thought about it other than "Wow, how is she already turning 1?" I keep finding myself going back to my photos from when she was first born and I can't believe how much she has grown. How much of a personality she has developed. She is literally my favorite person. (My husband gets jealous that I say that ha!) She pushes me and challenges me daily to be a better person for her. I feel like I am learning how to regulate my own emotions better to be able to help her with hers. She can be super independent, but then still want you nearby. Which is exactly how I am with my people. She follows me throughout the house, but then can also sit and entertain herself with toys or books. She loves to be outside and see all the sights. She is curious and likes to see how things work. We are very similar.

I remember leaving the hospital last year and putting her in the carseat. It kind of hit me all at once. We were responsible for this little being. For making sure she got all her physical and emotional needs met. That seemed like a huge responsibility then. And honestly, still does. She is a bit easier nowadays to make sure her physical needs are met. We communicate better even though she doesn't quite speak yet. I feel like most times I just know what she needs. I feel like as we push into the next chapter that her emotional needs will take up most of my attention.

I had a recent conversation with my dad about growing up. I mentioned to him that I honestly didn't feel much support at home once I hit high school. Most of the attention was on my newly adopted nephews (who needed the attention I know). And I felt kind of left to my own to figure things out. I knew if I needed either of my parents that I just had to ask and they probably would help, but I'm not sure I even knew what to ask back then. Honestly, to this day I'm not sure what to ask for most days. My dad apologized to me in case I ever felt like he didn't care. He did. And he never meant for me to feel like I didn't feel supported. And as an adult I do appreciate that he would apologize for something he unknowingly did or didn't do. But now that has me thinking will I unknowingly do that to my child. I would like to think I wouldn't, but I also don't know what circumstances will come our way.

My older mom friends who I've mentioned this to say I have to be a great mom to even be thinking this far ahead. Then the moms who are right around 25-30s have mentioned they are concerned about that too. I wonder if this is a generational thing to be so concerned about the emotional wellbeing of our offspring. I just want Lily to thrive. I don't want there to be anything that she has to work through because of me. I want her to be the best that she can and wants to me. Whatever that maybe. I guess that is a mama thing all around. Wanting the absolute best for your little being. Even if she is just turning 1.

What were(are) your thoughts when your little(s) turned one?

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