"When you have the right people and you feel safe."

This was my 6 yr old's definition of adoption today. She's still figuring out the concept of permanency. Three years after coming to our home she still fears we'll send her away one day. That's what three years of instability and neglect do to a young, developing brain.

The holidays bring up all kinds of big feelings. In an attempt to get ahead of another crisis, like we just weathered, I'm setting aside time each night for her to express all her fears and worries. Tonight, in back-to-back statements, she said she didn't like a specific birth family member but wished she could see them. That's the messy reality of older child adoption. I'm mad at you; but I still love you and want you.

I mailed a photo book that I made of pics over the last year to a trusted birth family member. She is welcome to share it with others, as she wishes. I do want them to know the girls are happy and doing well. I know they'll never be grateful their girls were removed but, at least, I can hope that that they're grateful the girls are in a good home. I am grateful to this one aunt and how she has supported the adoption and been a bridge. We talked on the phone yesterday and it felt like old friends catching up. I hope we'll always be close in our shared love for two little lives.