I wish I understood the demons in your head, how they scratch and claw at you and tell sweet little lies.
They tell you how they make you better and fill you with a rush like you're Superman. You feel like you can fly, soaring up to touch the sky. Then it all comes crashing down, making you choke and writhe on the ground, melted wax wings on your back leaving crude scars.
You flew too close to the sun.
The demons dig into you ever so cruelly, telling you that you are nothing without them. They feed you more and more until you think you need them to survive.
I wish I could exorcise the demons in your head. I'd recite a few Latin words, holding up a cross and Holy Water even as they bite at me, turning the water pink with my blood. A few simple lines like it's Sunday Mass, and poof they're dead.
The demons are gone.
I wish I could fight the demons in your head for you.
It wouldn't be easy.
Oh, would those demons fight me.
But I'd stand in front of you with a shield and a sword raised high. I'd tell those demons that they can't have you. Not when I'm around.
The battle would be long and hard, lasting for days, through the cold and wet, the hot and dry. Yet I'd stay firm until finally they were vanquished. Even as my skin turned blue and red, like I was a watercolor painting, blood dripping into my eyes and covered in mud, I'd fight the demons for you.
Give you a break some peace and quiet. Maybe then, you can see what we all see. Instead of the dirty, broken version you see in the mirror. I'd wipe the mirror clean and fix all the cracks with gold. I'd turn you to the mirror. Can't you see how beautiful you are? Can't you see how strong you?
I wish I understood the demons in your head. That I could see what causes them and what makes them stronger.
I wish I could tell them to leave you alone and that you deserve better.
That you are better.
And I keep screaming and screaming but the demons are too strong, too loud. They muffle your ears with clawed fingers and cover your eyes until all you see is them, drowning in their darkness. You can't hear me banging on the glass. You can't see me trying to get to you, cutting up my hands.
I wish I could make the demons in your head disappear. I'd snap my fingers and they are nothing but dust. It's like they never existed in the first place. I'd wrap you up in a cocoon and shield you from all the pain and anger. We'd press reset and start all over again. Make ourselves a new ending.
A happier ending.
But I can't.
Instead I can only say I love you.
Instead I can only say I am here for you.
Instead I can only say let me carry you through this. Let us fight the demons together like we did when we were kids play fighting with sticks.
Back when things were much simpler.
Back when the bad guy always lost and the good ones always win.
Back when princesses are rescued from dragons and married the knight in shining armor.
Back when the monsters under your bed were just a fairytale. When I could shine a light underneath and tell you that monsters weren't real. As the light chased the shadows away, and we saw what we thought was a monster was simply a tennis shoe.
Back when you were innocent. Before the demons came and darkened your head and infected your veins. Before the demons whispered and hissed between sharp, yellow teeth, making you doubt everything good about you.
Back when we both thought we were invincible and there was nothing we couldn't do. Two punk kids with scrapped up knees who were utterly fearless as we climbed giant oak trees and stood on mountains like we were kings and queens.
Back when all we had was each other, and it wasn't perfect, but it was enough.
But the demons in your head won't let you.
They're too strong. But that doesn't mean you're weak. It simply means you have to fight more. Fight harder. You have to stand your ground and plant your feet. Tell those demons that they can't have you. There will be trials along the way. The demons might win a few times.
One step forward and two steps back. One day at a time. I say this all this time.
The demons are louder.
Don't you know that you are more than enough?
-K
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