| Hi read, How are you today?
Last week was fun and pretty awful, all tied with a bow. After a fun mother/son ski trip for spring break with my 10YO (my 13YO was on spring break with family friends), I came down with a bad case of food poisoning. Not going to lie – 10 hours in a car is pretty awful. Now, imagine that with a case of food poisoning.
So, on Friday, while I rested, my husband took over all the parenting and household duties. It got me thinking about what has helped us share the mental load over the years.
For starters, what do I mean by the mental load? For everything you do, there is the stuff behind that task. It's generally invisible. As working moms, there is a lot of stuff behind the tasks your family sees. It's like a running to-do list and encyclopedia of information about your family, their activities, and their preferences that are all in your head all the time. Now consider this mental load for everything you do at home and at work. Yep, it can be overwhelming.
OK, you get it, so now what? As you start thinking about sharing the mental load, let go of the idea that your significant other "should know." Mind-reading abilities are simply not going to happen, so focus on taking action to create change.
Start with looking at the tasks you're in charge of. OK, so now consider what it takes to get those tasks done. Now you see the true to-do list.
Move on to figuring out what you enjoy. Be picky with what tasks you want to keep. Look at why you enjoy them and if you find this joy in multiple ways. You want your significant other to enjoy some to-do items as well.
Consider what you want to outsource. Remember to delegate duties, not individual tasks. And there is so much you can delegate from someone shopping for groceries to help with setting up appointments. Research what services are in your area and be realistic about budget. And even consider AI (see the link in the tools for a great AI source on Etsy that I shared).
Think through what can go away outright. Sometimes we do tasks because we've always done them. They might no longer be necessary, but they are now part of the routine. If something has been on your to-do list for a while doesn't mean it must continue as you make changes.
You've got your list. You understand you must release the mental load. Let's talk tips to you share the mental load.
Be specific or let it go. You must completely let go of the mental load for a duty and be OK with what it looks like when someone else does it differently. Or you must be really specific in how you want it done. Hint: It's hard to be specific in every single thing you hand off. So, like the song says, "Let it goooooo!".
Communicate. Often information is power. When it comes to managing and especially releasing the mental load, you want that power to be shared. Always. Find what works for you to share information, whether it's an email or a tool. My husband and I like to share our plan for the week and then check back in each night about the next day to see if plans have changed.
Give yourself grace and space. It takes time to learn to share the mental load and to actually take the steps. Give yourself and your significant other the space and time to figure out how to make things work. Don't quickly get discouraged and think, "I can do this myself." Acknowledge where, how, and/or why you had this hiccup, make adjustments, and then take action again.
If you're struggling with partnering at home, you can download the Becoming Better Partners At Home Discussion Guide. Reply to this email and I'll send you the guide.
What changes will you be making? How can I help? Already a pro at sharing the mental load? I'd love to hear what tips you share with your friends who might be struggling.
Looking forward to hearing how you let it go!
Suzanne
PS If you're a mom entrepreneur, you could be eligible for the National Kitty Fund Grant that supports mom entrepreneurs. 25 grants of $1000 each. Apply today!
PPS Don't let your kids become frequent donors to their school's Lost & Found! Check out my favorite personalized stick-on labels from Mabel's Labels (affinity link) and make labeling your child's stuff easy. Right now these are on sale too! | 
No comments:
Post a Comment