How this woman, after changing her attitude in relating with her own mother, got on better terms with her mother, found the resolves, the closures to the difficulties of the entanglement of love, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…
The Writer, Peng is the Eldest Daughter, She'd Had a Love-Hate Relationship with Her Own Mother, and it Was Her Daughter Who Gave Her the Wakeup Call
"You're not from the same mother, are you?", the writer, Peng is the eldest of four sisters, her youngest sister, also a published writer, shared common friends, and the friends, all felt shocked, after knowing both of them, that they'd come from, the same, mother!
The other they'd described were, too different—Peng the eldest daughter's mother, is tough, had high demands of her children; while the youngest daughter's experiences of her mother was kind, down-to-earth, genuine, a mother who'd cherished, loved, and trusted her daughter.
As Peng the eldest was interviewed about her relationship with her mother, the tales of terror and horror came. Not mentioning how she'd gotten beaten too many times, after she graduated, her mother forced her to take the public office exams, first year, she didn't score high enough, her mother said that she didn't pass on purpose, the following year, she'd still not passed, her mother told her to go and kill herself, and she'd, almost, killed herself too!
She'd Divorced & Moved Back Home, and the Conflicts with Her Mother Worsened
And finally, she'd, grown up, Peng married young, and escaped home, but, two years afterwards, she got divorced, and moved back in. Her daughter was not yet a year old, and they'd, moved in with her own mother who'd just lost her husband, at first, Peng had the thought of that they will take care of each other, but, with the losses from divorce, losing a spouse, menopause, it'd, added even more tension to the already, arduous relationship.
what the child experienced, being raised by her/his parents, because the parents were raised the EXACT same ways! Illustration from online
Her mother's disappointment for her daughter's divorce, became the awful words her mother gossiped with the neighbors, "I'm so unlucky, I'd given birth to a daughter, so she could get, divorced!", and every tiny thing in their lives, caused huge conflicts, and several times, Peng ran from home out onto the streets, walked into traffic, thinking, "why don't I just get, run over by a car, and it will all, end?"
During those years, Peng wanted to move out so many times, and she'd already, found the places, and paid the rents. As her mother learned, and she'd, emotionally blackmailed, and threatened her into, staying, and promised that she will, change her temper, and if Peng insisted on moving out, her mother would threaten her using her own life, "if you move out, I will, kill myself!"
And this enmeshment between mother and daughter had continued for more than twenty years on end. And, the chance of finding the resolves with her mother came the year her second youngest sister moved back in, and Peng naturally gained the opportunity to move out, distanced the physical space between her and her mother. And, as her second younger sister stayed at home a bit, she'd also, realized, just how difficult it was, to live with her mother, and once she'd told Peng, "I'm so sorry, eldest sister, I really never knew, that mom was like this!", her sister's apology, made her feel that she was understood, for the very first time in her life, it'd, broken her defenses down.
The Words of Her Daughter, Made Her Realized Her Own Mother's, Love for Her'
It was around that same time, as her daughter, Ching Lo told, "do you ever consider, that for someone who's in charge of the three meals for her families, and never missed a single meal, don't you think that grandma is, amazing?", the casual conversation became that wakeup call to Peng, she'd first asked herself: why did I never see my mother through this angle? She'd found, that even as her mother had done many wonderful things, she'd only, chosen to see, everything that was awful about her own, mother.
Her daughter's words changed the frames of perceptions she'd held of her mother. For instance, she'd felt that her mother wasn't well-dressed, and bought the clothes from the local markets for her to wear, in the past she'd thought this was her mother's way of insulting her, belittling her. As she'd changed her perspective, she'd thought, that her seventy-something elderly mother when shopping out, still thought about purchasing the clothes for her daughter in her fifties, that it was her mother's expressions of love toward her.
She became more willing to hold hands, to hug her mother; willing to listen to her mother, and talk with her, although her mother doesn't necessarily understand everything that was said; and she'd given her mother the compliments when her mother put on her new clothes.
And, her mother felt that this daughter who'd been too tough to socialize, with awful temper, changing, becoming closer to her, and what happened between the two, are no longer the angers, the violence, but the gentle, more amicable relations between mother and daughter.
As an adult, Peng lived for more than twenty years by her mother's side, she's the child who stayed for longest at home, "this showed, that it's my work in my lifetime, to learn to connect with my mother", this was the arrangement by God it seemed, she was more than grateful, that before her mother passed, she'd found closure with her mother in relating to her, they'd shared many years of wonderful memories, and there's not just the cutthroat, but also the love between the mother and daughter, and her life became, lighter.
So, the daughter became the threshold guardian, the catalyst that's necessary, between the bettering of the relationship of the author and her own, mother, and, it's wonderful, how the woman made up with her own mother, and forgave her mother for not showing her the love, care and concerns she'd expected her mother to show her, that she's, receptive of, but NOT all mother-daughter relationships can have the resolves like this.
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