[New post] 10 things your little children want you to know
allthingsgodlypretty posted: " Mom's Real Big LessonI came out of church so disappointed in my son and myself. I felt so ashamed as a mom and i could not wait to get to the car to discipline my son. The thoughts of what people had said to me kept playing in my mind. 'He is not"
Mom's Real Big Lesson I came out of church so disappointed in my son and myself. I felt so ashamed as a mom and i could not wait to get to the car to discipline my son.
The thoughts of what people had said to me kept playing in my mind. 'He is not disciplined enough', ' you spoil him' ; ' my children would never do that' .
I felt like a failure and its hard for me to accept such things because I'm the lady that always makes people feel comfortable. All my son did wrong was worship loudly in church and people frown at that. But when i got to the car, my thinking changed! You cannot ever feel ashamed of your children. I told myself from that moment no one would ever convince me something was wrong with my family member and i believe them.
You protect family and you protect your children. Rebuke is for building someone and not crushing who they are completely. You are not JUST A MOM but you are building a personality and nurturing a human being. YOU MATTER and your THOUGHTS MATTER!
I have had the loneliest time being a hands on mommy especially when my children were much younger! I wanted them to have really good meals i prepared myself, i wanted to pursue a relationship with my children. Having a close family was the dream for me and i found myself at a lonely place.
Hence the blog was born, i wanted to turn every weak point to a strength. Every failure to success. I spent so much time with my children, i got to know their personalities so well too, how children behave how they communicate.
I learnt their love language, toddlers and preschoolers may not be able to communicate certain emotional states and feelings but will throw a tantrum when these things are lacking in their lives.
It really helps to understand their language so you are able to deal with it accordingly. When a child in the african community throws a tantrum it is assumed that he lacks discipline.
It is possible to ignorantly punish the child yet you missed what the child was saying to you.
I learnt this! There is a time for everything, a time to hug, to discipline, to correct, to embrace and so much more.
Allow your children to enjoy their parents. This helps prevent most childhood traumas that are carried to adult life unattended to.
Our children communicate this not so verbally that
Do you see me?
Do you notice my gifts and talents?
Do you think I'm a great person?
I want to be alone with you
I want you to do things for me.
Ask the nanny to give us some space alone.
Put your cell phone down or switch it off.
Take the day off just for us
Can you just smile at me
When i ask for a random pick me up stop telling me you are busy
Bonus point
Allow me space to play
Do you see me?
You will not notice your children and how they are really doing from time to time when you are constantly tired.
They want you to pay attention to their needs. Our nannies are our helpers they are not our children's parents. Please pay attention when you constantly ask your nanny to do everything for your children. When you are home, if your children ask for a snack. Stand up and do it for them, do not send the nanny. At this point you are building trust and confidence in your child.
Do you notice my gifts and talents?
They want you to validate their gifts and talents. They will constantly ask you if you notice how good they are in doing something.
When they call you to watch them perform or show you what they think is cool to them. Find pleasure in giving your full attention to what they are presenting to you.
Do you think I'm a great person?
At some point we all crave that kind of validation for the person we choose to be from time to time. That is why comparing children to siblings or other children is not building who they are as an individual.
Thank them for a job well done, notice when they do something great and give compliments to your children before they over hear you complimenting another child.
Apologise when you mess up from time to time. If you shout unnecessarily or judge them unfairly. It will build trust and they know that you are honest with yourself and them too.
I really want time alone with you.
You know how you sometimes crave alone time with your spouse without anyone else but you and your husband?
Yes! Our children desire such an intimate relationship with their parents too. They desire you dedicate time with them alone as a family without the nanny. At times it may require a one on one sessions with each child when a moment avail itself.
Our children want to know themselves through their parents too and that reassurance that i do not just sink into and be invisible but i am special too.
I want you to do things with me
They long to watch their favourite cartoons with them and be superhero mom and superhero dad.
Whenever i go to our children's bedroom just too hangout with them on their bed and we do a mini picnic there! Oh wow, they get so excited its amazing. They get these smiles on their faces but can't help but enjoy you being fully present with them doing what they love.
We enjoyed a good run the past weekend around the house with my husband and our children.
Allow nanny to give us some space with you
When you go on an outing date with your children. Train yourselves to leave nanny at home or give her the weekend off or night off. The nanny needs time alone to rest and recharge so she can enjoy her job helping your family.
There was a time this was so tough for my husband and i to manage three toddlers by ourselves but we trained ourselves.
Put your cell phone down or switch off gadgets once a while
They want to have a conversation with you, or they want to tell you the nanny beats them. These are the moments to find out if they are happy or something is bothering them.
Make that time and practise discipline. I like to make use of an app timer on my cell phone that logs me out when i have been on an app for more time that i should.
You know that time when you mindlessly scroll through your feed but are quite exhausted doing so too. That is a clear sign you need to engage with people you can physically see. Try that app and follow through though when it logs you out.
Take the day off just for us
There is a lot to benefit when you focus on your children without distractions.
You will notice things they need you were not aware of.
You will remove much loads of unnecessary guilt you have piled up wishing you would have more time with your children.
The children will enjoy undivided attention from you.
Can you smile at me?
It is so funny how there more we have children the more we get so exhausted and take it out on these beautiful pure beings.
The best place to start is to notice how often you frown and realise it is not a child friendly environment.
Smile more often than you actually shout. That is why children spend more time with the calmer parent. Notice how your child sometimes runs towards you but quickly turns back because they remembered your frown.
Let us remind ourselves to smile daily at our children more than you actually frown.
Allow me some space to play
They are saying learn to trust me! I just want to play and i will not hurt myself. Allow the environment to be friendly for me to play.
Our children are quite smarter than we think. Ofcourse let us create healthy outdoor activity and let the home be friendly for play time too. Too much restrictions frustrates new human beings who want to freely express themselves.
I am a parent just like you, at times i know what I'm doing but sometimes i keep learning on this journey. As i learn i share and empower others too. I would really love to hear thoughts from you.i
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