Is it wrong to say I'm lonely?

I went from spending every single day with someone to not seeing them or speaking with them at all. Ever. Endless conversation to going hours upon hours without saying a single word. Planning for two to doing for one. Seeing you anytime then I open my eyes to only find that I am alone.

Learning to cook for one fucking blows.

I suppose it's the symbolism behind it. Cooking for one. Just one. Not two. Not anymore. And it's going to be just one for the rest of your life.

Dope.

It's not the lack of partner, it's the lack of him. Its understanding that nothing will ever make this better. Its coming to terms with the truth that I'm on my own. It's absorbing the reality that we will never get to have the chance at so much more than we had led ourselves to believe we deserved.

I'm not talking about money.

Fuck money.

I'm talking about that true, constant openness. The immense vulnerability of being completely transparent at all times with someone. That's when people wholly and deeply connect. On a spiritual level that eliminates the confines of love out from existence.

If only. I wonder what that would feel like. Like Nirvana, in a way, I think. But I suppose I'll always just have to assume. Won't I?

I wish I had someone to talk to.

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