No one will give you space unless you start taking it up.

Between work, being a mum, a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, preparing meals, booking appointments, exercise, grocery shopping, and many more things I can't think of right now... time quickly goes. My to do list is endless.

Before becoming a mum, I maybe could get through my to do list and then have some relaxing time. Weekends were often spent sleeping in, doing some chores, and catching up with friends and family. I'd often go for a few walks or a mountain bike ride with my husband.

Now, my weekends are spent getting up around 6.30/7am depending on when my alarm - my 18 month old - wakes me. Days are busy and are filled up largely with what I need to do for other people. My toddler usually naps for a couple of hours in the day. In that time, it is very easy, and tempting, to try and knock some things off my to-do list. I can easily spend those two hours getting through the mounting life admin, the washing, cooking a meal, doing the dishes, and whatever else is needed. At the end of it, I'll still have loads more to do, but I'll have felt a bit less overwhelmed. At the end of it, I'll often have no time or maybe half an hour to myself before my young one wakes up for the afternoon.

I used to have loads of 'me time' before becoming a mum. Now, I can easily fall in to being last on the never-ending 'to do' list. So I've decided to take 'me time' off the list altogether, and instead make the relationship with myself a priority, and not a 'to do.' It is as important - actually, it's more important - than the relationship I have with anyone else. If I'm not looking after myself there is no way I can look after the people in my life who are most important to me.

So I'm rebelling against the pressure inside me, and outside of me to put everyone else's needs before my own. How am I doing that? These are some of the ways...

  • I increased Master B's care hours on Thursdays by one hour to give myself more 'me time.' After I drop him off, I spent the FIRST hour (not the last where it could easily not happen after running out of time) having breakfast at my local cafe and writing. This is in my diary for every week. Master B doesn't notice the extra hour, but I do. I get to breath, to enjoy coffee and delicious food, and to write.
  • Nap times are spent differently. I do what I want to do first - whether that be watching Netflix, having a nap, writing or doing something creative, or whatever else it might be. If there's time that the end of that, I'll do some of the things on my 'to do' list, some of the chores.
  • I sit down at the table with my family to eat and drink. Once dinner is served, and Master B has what he needs to eat his meal, I sit down and we all eat together. I don't keep rushing around sorting things, cleaning, getting more food, or whatever else - I sit down too. I need to eat and I'm not a waitress.
  • I eat my own meals, not leftovers from Master B's plate. I was finding that a lot of my meals were leftovers from what wasn't being eaten. I felt resentful that I wasn't getting my own meals. So, I stopped. Yes, there is more food waste. But it makes me feel more human and enjoy what I'm eating.
  • I'm asking for help. The other day I woke up and realised Master B's lunch for care hadn't been organised the night before. My first thought was to get up and rush to pack it, make breakfast, and get Master B up and ready. Then I looked over at my husband fast asleep, and thought - 'I wanted to be nice and let you sleep today, but I need your help.' So I woke him up, and I asked for help instead of feeling resentful that he was still sleeping while I rushed around.
  • I'm surrendering to not getting everything done, to not doing it all perfectly, to being good enough. It's hard and it's a constant battle within my own mind. But without myself, without time out for me, space for me, I have not as much to give to everyone else. And I want to be happy, to feel good, to take pleasure in things, to look after my wellbeing - because if I don't do it, nobody else will.

I'm reclaiming my space in this world.

What is something you can do today to reclaim your space?