Marriage is globally defined as a union of two people (nothing about gender, region or tribe). But every individual is of a tribe and of a faith, the gender argument is in the air so I am going to leave that out of my musing .

Now, these individuals come together with a goal in mind, and most times no one defines that goal explicitly, the family is all about the ceremony and the couple are all about the change of marital status. Most faith and culture groups are focused on their rites been followed. In the end, it is assumed that they know to live together and procreate.

Very few discuss, who will be the primary caregiver as it is assumed that it is the woman, till the man decides, he wants to be a househusband too 😜.

No one discusses how the woman would be maintained after childbirth, especially if her job has no benefits, she loses work hours or sometimes the job as a whole.

My point here is that marriage as it plays out in most climes especially in Africa doesn't seem to offer the woman anything asides been under a man's authority (not protection) to carry and nurture only his seeds. She must conform to his likes, dislikes, faith, social circle, family regardless of her opinions on same.

I honestly don't have a problem with all these, my problem lies with the man, who takes all of the woman's willingness to build a home with him and rewards it with complains about she is now unsupportive (remember less work or no job at this point) just because she has a ring and maybe kids. It is not uncommon to insist her ideas are no longer amazing and her complain about increased chores (remember coking for family, increased laundry and school runs are now her days) is because his family or friends are visiting.

Suddenly, every issue she raises is out of some assumed hostility. And his friends and family have great ideas on how to handle her "nagging". The recommendation often range from neglecting her and whatever she values (often her kids), clubbing late, getting a side chick to leaving her.

When the dice is cast, the man often realizes late that he only complicated his life but pride would prevent him from trying to fix it. Sometimes down the line, often on death's bed, they apologize to the affected children but it's often too little too late.

So I wonder if been a single parent should not become normalized so women won't have to waste constructive years trying to figure out if it's worth it. Because it looks like leaving marriage to be a single mum has been saving lives since 1900s. What do you think?

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