My evening reading that story I wrote went really well. I was very happy to be on stage reading it to a bunch of strangers and some friends and family. It was a brilliant event! I was so happy! The woman introducing us included me in the word "authors" and that also made me deliriously happy. And the woman who invited me introduced me and my text and said some really cool and kind things about it and that made also made me happy. There was a livestream and a recording of it, so I was able to watch it again later and I was so proud of myself. I wasn't OVERLY nervous and I was reading at a good speed and clearly. I did a good job. 🙂

Since then I have had a renewed interest in writing more. I have started writing a little thing for a campaign called "Voices against war" but I haven't finished it yet. I think I might do that today. I have also taken the time to read through the magazine I started ordering YEARS ago with writing contests and calls for texts in it that I usually just put aside for "Later" and "Later" never happens. I have found a few where I might send stuff. And so my creative life has begun again.

And it feels AWESOME! This is what I wanted in life: good relationships and creativity. Yes, relationships are hard, so is creativity sometimes. But I am doing the things I most love: be creative and connect to people.

I am thinking of joining a writing group again maybe. I have been thinking about that for a loooong time now. And maybe it's time I also put some action behind this intention.

So life is ... let's say: under control.

Naw, it's good. It's really good.

But I am still holding back. I am still scared to trust this, or anything, or anyone, most of all: myself. I am sitting in this super comfy bright red chair by the window looking out at the hills and I LOVE this view. It's FANTASTIC I tell you! And yet, I don't want to open my heart to it. I want to guard my heart and keep being "careful", always holding back, "just in case..."

But I know life isn't about guarding my heart so closely and carefully that I don't open it to ANYTHING anymore.

So every day I try to practice this opening of my heart. And I breathe and I sit with myself and I try to figure out what it is I am trying - or willing - to learn from myself and my headmates. I know my headmates are still there even though mostly we now live in a kind of connection, a way of blendedness. Sometimes more and sometimes less so. But I am really trying to be willing to learn from them. I know they have a lot to teach me - about myself, ourself. I want to open my heart to them, too.

And so this seems to be my next lesson: learn to have an open heart and embrace the gifts I have been and am being given each day.