Nasima:
"I don't get what the rush is", Arshad's irritated voice pierced the phone, "She can come over after the birth of the baby. I don't have time to entertain a teenager who is also pregnant. What a nightmare!"
Nasima listened patiently. She thought about pointing out that the teenager was his choice but decided to let it go. What was another outlandish decree that he subjected women around him to!
"I think it would be for the best", She said politely, "She is very sad at being here without you. I think she'd like to be there. Don't you miss her?"
"No!" Arshad screamed, "Really, I don't. I work eighteen hour days. Do you even understand what it means to build a business from the ground up? In a country like the USA? I don't get to eat or sleep some days. I don't have time for anything. On top of it all, Adeel is coming and I'd have to look for a place for him to stay if she's coming. Otherwise he could just live with me".
"I hate to tell you, son, but Adeel doesn't take priority over Kausar".
"That's not for you to tell me", He said gruffly, "He's my oldest friend. Someone I love like a brother. Please be careful of how you speak about him in the future. This is the very reason why I kept her at arm's length when I was in Karachi. So she wouldn't expect stuff from me but guess she's too needy! If I was treated by my husband with indifference and borderline contempt, I'd have more self-worth and stay away from him. She's apparently dying to be here. I'll see what I can do".
He slammed the phone.
Nasima got up and made it to the kitchen. Self-worth? Did Arshad really think men like him helped a woman's self-worth? They strip women of it and then complain women don't have it.
Kausar was in the kitchen, looking for something to please her tastebuds. She smiled as Nasima entered.
"Were you speaking to Arshad?"
She had obviously heard everything.
"Yes".
"He doesn't want me there, does he?"
Nasima shifted uncomfortably. The problem with Kausar was this occasional wisdom that just came out of her childlike innocence and lightness.
"He doesn't", Nasima conceded eventually, "He has been busy and he fears that you'd be neglected".
"More neglected than I have been so far?" Kausar said, wide-eyed and flabbergasted.
Nasima nodded.
"But I have to go", She bent over a jar and pried it open, "I can't go back to Ami's. That would be devastating".
"You're not going back", Nasima said, her turn to be surprised, "Why would you say that?"
"I know Ami", Kausar said, apparently tackling the jar of pickles but fighting the urge to cry and scream, "She will bring me home and pamper me like she did Saira. Just that, in my case, I don't want it. I don't want to go back to where I have to ask permission all the time. Aunty! You let me use the driver and I can go out anytime I want. I won't get to have that with Ami".
"I don't let you do anything", Nasima smiled at Kausar's characterization of it all, "You are an adult woman, married, soon to be a mother. You don't need permission".
"I need Arshad's".
"Not necessarily", Nasima shrugged her shoulders, "You are a grown woman who is taking care of others. Why would we expect you to take permission to go about daily chores or a little outing?"
Kausar smiled. If she had to stay in Pakistan for her pregnancy, she was going to stay at her in-laws, she had decided that much.
"I don't care if I stay here with you", Some promise of freedom was still a promise, "Can I?"
"Of course you can", Nasima said, "But I think children need their parents, both of them. Wouldn't you like to be with Arshad?"
"I'd love to be with him", Kausar sighed, "But I can't force myself on him".
Nasima remained quiet. An eerie feeling of something familiar happening to another woman took over.
Days passed. Kausar's first trimester ended and some good news finally came.
"Arshad called last night", Nasima smiled as she informed Kausar one morning over breakfast, "Your paperwork is through and he'll be giving us more details by the end of this week".
Kausar smiled but it was an effort. Her first trimester had been atrocious. Morning sickness had become the bane of her existence. She woke up throwing up and then sometimes threw up for hours at night again.
"It's okay", Dr. Najma had said reassuringly, "Sometimes it can be very annoying but that tells you that there's a healthy pregnancy".
She felt her growing belly. The loneliness that she felt around her always used to be reduced by Nasima's presence up until a few days ago. Now nothing felt good.
"Your grandson is making me very sad, Aunty!" She said quietly, staring at the food that didn't look appetizing at all. She had lost five pounds in her first trimester and was now seeing a high-risk obstetrician. The number of appointments was staggering for her inexperienced self. She couldn't even keep up with all the information. Usually Nasima accompanied her. Kausar preferred that. Nasima wasn't dramatic like Asiya and usually let Kausar speak also.
"Tell you what?" Nasima said in an attempt to brighten up her mood, "Let's go shopping today. It has been about four months since your wedding and it's time to get a few new things".
This idea did lift her spirits. She needed a distraction. She had realized that Arshad's indifference was affecting her more deeply than she had thought it would. He hadn't called her many times. Their conversations were usually rote and rehearsed.
"Just wanted to ask after you. Is everything okay?"
"Yes, thank you! Aunty takes very good care of me".
"Let me know if you need some money".
"I still have all of what you gave before leaving".
"Get something with it. What did the doctor say?"
"Everything's fine".
"I'll call again".
She had initially thought that calling might be an ordeal since he called so rarely but then he told her that it was cheap and direct.
"I use an internet connection to call you. I could call everyday, for many hours and won't have to pay extra".
Then why don't you? She thought.
Shopping did take her mind off of things. Even though she believed that she was carrying a boy, Nasima's excitement at girl clothing was so touching that she let her buy a huge assortment of girl things too. They happily chattered through the mall, oblivious to any world outside of it for a few hours.
Nasima relaxed. Kausar had been worrying her. She had lost weight partly because of spilling her guts out everyday but also there was an air of defeat about her. Nasima could tell. She had walked into this air many times herself.
"Aunty!" Kausar asked as they sat down to eat at the cafe in the mall, "Do you think you could come with me to America? I'd love to have some company. What good is being in a vibrant and lively place like America and not having someone to share it all with?"
"You'll share it with Arshad, Beti", One of those uncomfortable moments came over when Kausar nonchalantly dissected another fact of the unhappiness that she had been subjected to by Arshad.
"I don't think he'll have time. He is very busy. He told me the other night that I can't complain when I'm there about loneliness or homesickness or much else. He won't be able to help me. He said he can't take me out or won't cater to my whims".
"What does he consider your whims?" Nasima asked coolly.
Kausar laughed airily,
"Everything, Aunty! Everything is so stupid and moronic about me that it makes him barf. That's what he said. He wants me to get my act together before I land there".
So Faraz's spawn outed itself, she thought grimly, he couldn't help himself. Actually, in the race of who could get to their wife's ideas of self quicker, Arshad had beaten his dad.
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