I was raised Catholic. Irish Catholic to be more specific, generations of big families and lots of religion. I went to church camps, took part in youth groups (shoutout to my fellow Parable Players!), First Communion, Confirmation, the whole gambit.
In college I realized I was bisexual.
Gay people weren't allowed in the Catholic Church.
I left the Church.
I was still a Christian, but self-recognized as a "bad Catholic." It was okay. I felt something was missing in my life, Catholic guilt bred in that I was doing the wrong thing. But I continued on my path.
Bob and I married outside, in a park, with a Unitarian minister. I went to services in different churches with friends and family but none felt "right."
Then I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to raise my family in the Catholic faith like I had been raised.
"But why?" My cousin challenged. Intellectually, it didn't make sense. I mean, sure, gays were "allowed" now because of Pope Francis's changes early on, but so much was still broken. Laws pertaining to women's bodies were heralded while I cried inside. My trans friends were scrutinized and demonized- man or woman, pick one and shut up. Marriages were only valid if done by the church. Marriages are only valid if between a man and a woman.
These are not my beliefs. But I still want to be in the Catholic Church. I want it to be better. But will it?
I don't understand all genders. But I'm trying to learn. My trans friends are happy, and isn't that what we strive for? My gay friends are married and happy, and isn't that what we dream of?
Bob wasn't Catholic. He said he was atheist but I think really he was agnostic. He was a scientist, he wanted proof. And I think during the last months he found some proof. Not in the Catholic Church, but in God.
I want to raise my kids to be good people. And to be good to others. Don't demonize. Don't hate a broad swath of "others" in humanity. Just be decent to each other.
And the hardest part- speak up when something is wrong.
Christians seem to be forgetting the tenant of Christianity as a whole- God loves us and sent his son down to die for all our sins. Jesus told us to be decent human beings to each other. Turn the other cheek. Love thy neighbor. That's the whole point of why it's called Christianity.
And I hate to break it to you, all these "gender things" and sexualities have existed a LONG time. They didn't have names. And they weren't always demonized.
I want to raise my kids Catholic. But I'm still scared to be Catholic, as a bisexual and pansexual person. And I don't want to be scared to be myself in my own church.
I believe God doesn't love "with conditions."
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