Mother's Day is a holiday that gets mixed reviews. For me it is a day of treasured remembrance. Mother said to me more than once during my childhood years: "No one will ever love you like your mother. I can truthfully say, I never questioned that I was loved.
Sadly, that is not everyone's experience. Consequently, there are many for whom Mother's Day is a trigger that reminds them of the painful experience of their childhood. For others, childlessness when they want more than anything to have a child, reinforces a sense feeling left-out of one of life's greatest joys.
At one of the faith-based agencies where I worked, the development director who previously served as a pastor, shared a very awkward, but memorable Mother's Day story. His church had recognized the oldest mother, the youngest mother and the mother with the most children. It an attempt to interject humor, he then said: "If there is a mother here who wishes her child had never been born, would you stand."
No sooner were the words out of is mouth that he saw a woman standing. She said simply: I wish my son had never been born. Billy Ray has been nothing but trouble since the day he was born."
With that as a back drop, I thought I'd share a feel-good story. It is the story of a biological mother who placed her child for adoption and years later was found by her daughter's family.
In 1928 at the age of sixteen, Minka Disbrow became pregnant under horrendous circumstances. She and a friend were attacked by three men following a school outing. When it was discovered she was going to have a baby, her parents sent her to a Lutheran home for unwed teenage mothers. She gave birth on May 22, 1929, to a little girl who she saw one time and then had to give up for adoption. She named her daughter Betty Jane.
The Lutheran Adoption agency did communicate to Minka at the time of placement that Betty Jane was placed with a pastor and his wife, but they revealed no other identifying information. For several years, Minka periodically wrote dozens of letters to the agency to find out how her daughter was doing. The agency replied with updates until there was a change in management and they eventually lost touch.
Every year on May 22, Minka would think of her daughter and wish that little girl a happy birthday. All she had was one black-and- white photograph of that little baby in a crib. Every May 22 she would pray, "Lord, if I could just see that child just one more time...I would never bother her."
The baby was adopted and given the name Ruth Lee. She grew up to have a really full life including six children of her own. One of them became an astronaut. Hers was a really interesting life.
When she was almost 80 years old, Ruth Lee had to have heart surgery. When the doctors started asking questions regarding the family's medical history. She knew nothing about it. Consequently, her son, Brian, decided to try to find out more and petitioned the court in South Dakota for his mother's adoption records.
He got a stack of more than 270 pages including a written account of the assault and handwritten letters from a young Disbrow, asking about her daughter. He then went online to try to find one of Disbrow's relatives – possibly through an obituary.
"I was looking for somebody I thought was probably not living." said Lee's now-54-year-old son. He typed Disbrow's name into a web directory and was shocked when a phone listing popped up. It was a listing in San Clemente, California. "I kind of stopped breathing for a second."
Brian telephoned the number in San Clemente and started asking questions. He identified himself as living in Alabama and started asking questions about her background. Fearing this was an attempt at identity theft, Minka Disbrow started firing questions in his direction. Brian then asked, Would you like to talk to Betty Jane?
On the phone with her biological daughter, Disbrow was in disbelief. Her legs began to tremble. She couldn't understand how a naive dairy farm girl without an education could have such accomplished grandchildren.
A month later, Ruth Lee and Brian Lee flew to California. They arrived at Disbrow's meticulous apartment on a palm tree-lined street armed with a gigantic bouquet of flowers.
"It was just like we had never parted," Disbrow said. "Like you were with the family all your life."
Since then, the families have met numerous times. Disbrow has gone to visit grandchildren and great-grandchildren in Wisconsin and Texas. She is planning to travel to Alabama in the spring, where they will celebrate her recently marked 100th birthday.
Disbrow has started sharing her story with members of her church and community. The Orange County Register ran a story about Disbrow's journey in December. The family's improbable reunion also made the local newspaper in Viroqua, Lee's hometown in western Wisconsin.
"It has been such a surreal, amazing experience that I still think sometimes that I will wake up and it will just be a beautiful dream," the 82-year-old Lee said.
I hope this feel good story put a smile on your face and tugged at your heart.
All My Best!
Don
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