🎶I'm telling you it's mighty nice
Each trip's a trip to paradise
With my baby on board!🎵
The Be Sharps, The Simpsons, Season 5, Episode 1
I am increasingly coming to believe there is a relevant Simpsons quote for any occasion or situation. When you have over 15 days' worth of content (at the time of writing), I guess it is sort of inevitable most topics will have come up at least once.
The other day while I was driving to work, I was reminded of Homer Simpson's brief stint in a barbershop quartet from Season 5 of the show. Named The Be Sharps, they had their first hit (written by Homer) titled Baby on Board. He had been inspired, you might have guessed, by the Baby on Board signs you can see on the back windows of some cars, and the song proved to be a smash. The other morning I had been following a car with a similar badge, this time Child on Board, complimented with a Little Man on Board sticker on the other side of the window, and I was left once again wondering; what on Earth is the point of them?
This is something I have often wondered about the Baby on Board signs, both before becoming a dad and afterwards. I have not really spoken about them before, except with the wife who is of a similar view to me, but today I got to thinking it was time to work through my reasoning. Full disclosure before I do, I do not have a Baby on Board sign myself, and by the end of this post you might be able to guess why.
A warning to you
If I am being charitable, it might be the Baby on Board signs act as a warning to other drivers, akin to the learner driver L or new driver P. In this scenario they are warning other drivers they are likely to be driving slower, maybe making more frequent stops like the highway maintenance vans you see much more often this time of year. More worryingly, perhaps the driver is warning those around them they are more likely to be distracted. I know full well how loud and screamy a baby can get in a car, especially when sleep evades them. It does not stretch credulity to imagine this is distracting for the driver.
My problem with these explanations, they don't seem to match reality. Yes I have seen careful drivers with Baby on Board signs, but I have also seen less careful drivers. I appreciate this is anecdotal evidence (and the plural of anecdote is not data), but in my experience Baby on Board drivers are indistinguishable from any other set of drivers on the road.
As for the distracted driver, let's be honest if it is bad enough to affect your ability to drive safely, then you need to be pulling over. I can appreciate sometimes you just need to get to your destination and pulling over or not baby is still going to be crying, but to allow yourself to be distracted to the point you need to warn others is not on.
A WARNING to you
Another option when seeing cars with those badges, they act as a warning, but this time a warning to make sure you are keeping your distance. Given the precious cargo on board, the driver wants to make sure other cars are staying away and reducing the risk to baby. Spot a Baby on Board sign and you should make sure to give the car a wide berth.
With this explanation, all I can ever think is "Sure, I was thinking of ramming your car, but now you have put the sign in the window…". Surely no one sticking a Baby on Board sign in their car genuinely believe it will alter the driving of those around them? Surely not…
A chance to boast
The reason for the sign might be a simple one, a parental desire to tell everyone they have a baby or two, a humble brag if you will. Give me the chance and I can talk about my daughter for hours, so can certainly understand the desire to share their joy with the world.
The thing is, when I talk about Baby, I want to tell you everything about her; her beautiful smile, her crawling and standing, the fact she is now into every cupboard and drawer she should not be in. Telling you just that I have a baby as the Baby on Board sign does is the bare minimum, I would definitely be wanting to share more.
Practical necessity
To finish, a slightly out there idea, could the Baby on Board sign be acting like a Blue Badge but for parenthood? Want to use the parent and child parking at the supermarket? Then get the Baby on Board sign in the window and you are good to go.
You can probably see the issue here already. No one actually polices the use of parent and child parking, and if they did simply having a self-purchased sign in the window is unlikely to be sufficient. If the spaces were to be policed, other than the indignant tutting of passersby, then actually having said child or children with the driver is going to be the minimum standard.
Extremely important conclusion…
For the second post in as many weeks, I have managed to reason through an issue which confuses me, and end the post with no conclusive answer. Why do people have Baby on Board signs? I have no idea.
If you have a Baby on Board or similar sign in you car, for the love of all that is holy, please tell me why in the comments!
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