This time of year is always makes me feel bittersweet. I've been on a hiatus from writing, it hasn't fed my should the same way that it usually does. But the anniversary of my mom's passing always inspires me to put words out into the universe. And h…
This time of year is always makes me feel bittersweet. I've been on a hiatus from writing, it hasn't fed my should the same way that it usually does. But the anniversary of my mom's passing always inspires me to put words out into the universe. And here we are. This year marks 7 years without my mom. As my sister and I were reminiscing this evening, we both were in shock. It does not feel like that long. But at the same time it feels like forever ago. Somehow this year has felt easier. It feels like a more lived in reality, though nothing about it is easy.
I miss my mom every single day. I miss being able to call her on the phone. I miss our silly moments. I realize miss our heart to hearts about the most random shit in the world. I get very sad when I think about my nephew and Randy both not getting to meet her. That's some of the hardest part. But I do all I can to make her have some place in their lives by keeping her memory alive.
Shelly and I were thinking through the moments of the day when we lost mom. Who answered the phone? Who called Dad? Who called Stacey? Etc, etc. One of the worst days of my life, and there are definitely moments that I locked out and don't remember. That's my brain working to protect me. But there are so many little moments I do remember. Some day I am going to have to go through this again, though I try not to think about that too much. It won't be any easier already having some of it "under my belt".
Loss, in any form, is hard. I don't live in a mindset of wishing it hadn't happened. That's not my reality and it doesn't feel very healthy to live there. I will remember her, and share her, and celebrate her, and keep being her mini-me (in some ways) for as long as I can.
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