On loss, grieving, losing a loved ones, and how we can only, put one foot in front of the other, and keep moving, until one day, the losses and the sorrows, the grief from what we'd lost, is no longer, that strong anymore, and we can, finally, get through the days, slowly…translated…
Although, It'd Been Said, that We Can't Compare Mourning, but I'm Still in AWE at the Female Owner's Persistence, while What Touched Me Deeply, was Her Saying that "Life Goes on, if We Live Our Lives Well, then, the Ones We'd Lost Who are Now in Heaven, Will Feel More at Ease, They Won't Need to Worry Over Us…"……
It was the year, I'd, lost my old dog and my elderly mom, I'd suddenly, lost the focal point in my life. Nighttime was the time of day I'd, feared, the, most, as the memories of both my elderly mother and my old dog are in the house, to reduce the time that this creeps up on me, I'd, selected to head out to the local middle school tracks to walk.
In the cold of night, I'd, circled around the track, lap after lap after, lap, nobody will note, that I'm, crying as I'm, walking, along. When it rained, I couldn't tell if what's dripping down from my face was the rain or my own, tears, and I'd, become, a zombie like this for, two whole weeks, just, walking around.
That day, I'd just, left the middle school, passing a roadside stand that sold the red bean pastries. "Hello, would you like to purchase a pastry? The fillings are oozing out!", the mildly hoarse voice was, a bit, familiar to me, I'd focused in, it was, the stand owner with whom I'd usually purchased the foods from, don't know when she'd moved her business here.
illustration from UDN.com
"I hadn't seen you in quite a long time, from before, you were always out with your mother and your dog, and, every time your dog got to my stand, it'd, refused to, go farther, and had you purchased three pastries, then, it would, move itself, along………"
I'd smiled and nodded, and, tears came, flowing out.
"oh…I know it, and I'm, so sorry! That's how life goes, my son………he'd only gotten into a public university just last year, as he'd begun his university career, and only within six months of his entering into university, he'd died in a car crash……and it was, too difficult, for a single mother as I, to accept this. My son died, can you imagine my loneliness? As I'd heard the geckos making their noises on the walls of my home, I'd felt, that I wasn't, alone anymore, I had a gecko as my, company, although, I'd never actually, seen the gecko. But, the days will go on, if we're well here, living on earth, then, the loved ones we lost in heaven, they will, feel, at ease too, and they will, be better off."
illustration from UDN.com
The woman skillfully, flipped the pastry on the iron baking plate, slowly told, like she was, telling me, a tale of old.
Like I usually had, I'd, bought three pieces. On my way back home, I'd, thought, that no matter what form of losing our parents it happened, it's, an enormous feel of pain. My two parents both died in their elderly age, which fitted to the laws of, nature, and, although I'm in grief, I'd felt, assured. The woman from the food stand, lost her son, this would be, excruciating to her, and there's that forced necessity to accept the loss as a fact, with the feelings of unwillingness, of how it could've happened, and maybe, hate too.
Although, we can't, compare the losses we'd endured individually, but I'm still, in awe at the stand owner's stamina, while, what touched my heart were the words of, "life will go on, if we're well, then, the ones we'd lost who are now in heaven, will feel at ease, and they would be, well too."
In the coldness of the night, I took a bite out of the hot red bean pastry, certainly, the fillings, oozed out! Suddenly, I'd recalled how my mom told me to volunteer at the hospital, I'd decided right then and there, that I shall, make the inquiries in the morn. Lifting my head to the sky full of stars, it will be, sunny tomorrow for sure.
And so, there's, no specific time it takes, for a person to grief for the losses of the loved ones, and, the writer lost her mother, and the woman who owned the food stand lost her, son, the people they lost may be different, but, the feelings of losing someone we love, and the heart wrenching pains, the heartaches that comes with the losses, are always, unbearable, but we will, move on, eventually, we just, need to, allow ourselves enough time, to grieve fully and properly over the ones we'd, lost.
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