In our early married days, I worked in a fabric shop where we had a variety of customers of all ages. Among older ladies, there seemed to be two distinct types. One was very sweet, thankful for any little thing we did to assist them. The other was . . . not sweet.
I remember thinking, "I hope I am the nice kind of older lady when I get that age."
At some point it dawned on me that if I wanted certain attributes when I got older, I needed to incorporate them while I was young.
"Old" always seems twenty to thirty years beyond my current age. But I am older, and I don't know that I am yet the kind of older lady I want to be or should be. We're all a work in progress, no matter how long we've lived.
But as I have been around the block a few times, I've seen some behaviors I want to avoid.
The "Know it All" Syndrome. When we've read the Bible and walked with the Lord for decades, hopefully we've acquired some wisdom along the way. But we misuse it if we try to answer most of the questions in Bible Study or Sunday School or feel we have to have the last word that sets everyone straight.
I've struggled with this recently. Bible teachers want participation. But I don't want to monopolize the conversation. Yet I do want to share if I have something helpful to say. I've started praying before class that God would give me wisdom to know when to share and when to be silent.
The "We've Always Done It This Way" Syndrome. Every new generation brings with it new vocabulary, new technology, new methods. Older people can help younger ones discern between new methods and old truth and try to keep the latter from sliding into oblivion, but we shouldn't insist that everything be done the way we always did it (or gripe when it isn't).
The Busybody Syndrome. Busybodies can be any age. Paul is speaking of young widows when he speaks of "idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not" (1 Timothy 5:13). But older women can tend this way, too.
Many years ago, an older lady in our church at the time told one young mom of seven that she was having too many children too close together. She told another young married lady, who, with her husband, wanted to wait until he was out of school before starting a family, that she needed to get busy and start having children. You can imagine that both women were hurt and offended. I am sure that was not the older woman's intent and that she thought she was helping others with the benefit of her accumulated wisdom. But she overstepped. Before sharing advice, we need to seek the Lord about whether it is really needed and how and when it should be shared.
Gossip Syndrome can also occur at any age or gender, but it's something Paul specifically mentions in Titus 2 when speaking of the commendable kind of older woman. She's not to be a "slanderer"--other translations say "gossiper" or "false accuser." Slander can involve saying things that are untrue about someone else. Gossip can be untrue but seems to include spreading things around that may be true but aren't anyone else's business. The Bible has much to say about right and wrong uses of our words.
The Old Wives' Tales Syndrome. The KJV and a few other Bible versions mention these in 1 Timothy 4:7: "But refuse profane and old wives' fables, and exercise thyself rather unto godliness." Other versions, like the ESV, leave out the "old wives" part and just say, "Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness."
This overlaps gossip a bit, but "old wives' tales" or fables often seem to involve health issues or warnings that aren't based on fact. These days, they take the form of urban legends. When we were expecting our first child, someone told us not to get a cat because cats can suck a baby's breath away. When my husband responded skeptically, the woman teared up because she was just trying to "help" us.
I see a version of this when people share dire warnings on FaceBook without fact-checking "just in case" it's true. Some people do this so often, it's like the old story of the "boy who cried wolf": people don't take the sharer seriously any more. Once again, we need to be careful of sharing falsehoods and unnecessarily scaring people. It's usually easy these days to search online and find out the facts before we share.
The "Good Old Days" Syndrome. When we look back, our younger days can seem idyllic. We tend to forget or gloss over the negative aspects of certain eras. It's not wrong to talk about some of the changes that have occurred over our lives or share history we've experienced. But we shouldn't live in the past. We need to be alert for the good gifts God put in our present time as well.
The "I've Done My Time" Syndrome. I hear of women who are still teaching VBS or serving in the church kitchen well into their nineties. Good for them. 🙂 Many of us lose a certain amount of oomph over the years and can't do all we used to. I wrote posts a few years ago on Why Older Women Don't Serve and How Older Women Can Serve. We're always in the Lord's service as long as we live, but how we serve will probably change over the years. We shouldn't have the mindset of checking out of active service. We might not be plugged into an official church ministry, but we can still minister to people by walking closely with God and being alert for opportunities to listen, giving a word of encouragement, praying, sending a note, etc.
It's good to not only look at what to avoid, but what to emulate. Godly older women are to be "reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good" (Titus 2:3). They have "a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work" (1 Timothy 5:10).
Instead of gossip, slander, and fables, we share truth. Instead of showing off our accumulated knowledge, we humbly seek God's timing to share His truth. We hold fast to truth but stay flexible about methods where we can. Instead of tearing down, we build up and encourage. Instead of being busybodies or folding inward towards self, we take kind interest in others and seek to serve however He opens doors.
May God give us grace to walk with Him and serve Him and others well at every stage of life.
Revised from the archives
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