Throughout my life, I've found it hard to wait. And now, our world is going at such a fast pace that we find our environment is not conducive to waiting. Growing up in the country, when I was a young girl living on a farm, the pace of life was much slower and there was quiet in my surroundings. But now, it's hard to find such places with family farms sold for cookie cutter neighborhoods.
I've thought of how many times in life I've been advised to "wait" and none more than while taking dance lessons. "Connie, wait on the lead," my dance instructor would say when I'd start to move before my partner-- the lead, had cued me to go. My tendency to try and lead in dancing is not because I want to control the dance steps; it's that I'm ready to move and it's hard for me to be still--especially if I love the music. When the follower doesn't wait for the lead, it throws their partner off and can continue to be a struggle, off-kilter throughout that dance.
We all have situations in our lives, every day, that put us in a waiting position. Some of these are more critical than others--like when we're waiting for test results, especially to rule out a medical condition, but even test results from a final exam when we're a student.
My first time walking at the Hunter St. Park, I discovered they had a Little Free Library--what I've thought of as a birdhouse for books. I opened the door to find a paperback sitting on top that seemed perfect for me: Thomas Moore's, Soul Mates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationship. Since bringing that book home, I've found it very helpful as I've worked through the ups and downs of dating relationships. It has broader applications to situations with friends and family members, too. I like how Moore approaches soulful relationships from his experience as a former monk, depth psychologist, and best-selling author who allows for the creative and dynamic, mysterious uniqueness of each individual.
He describes various meanings of soul but for me I think of it as our inmost being--the deep essence of who we're created to be.
Lately, when working through sections of the book, I've thought of how waiting is so hard because in relationships, anxiety can be building; that's often true for me. Moore talks about the tension of living with contradictions, of wanting immediate relief through solutions. In our face-paced modern world we're used to quick answers. Whether it's the rapid speed of a Google search that yields answers that previously took tons of time, or the length of YouTube videos being reduced to "shorts," we're less willing to wait.
But some things require waiting and that can mean being still and allowing the tension that ensues until the question or issue is resolved. Moore points out several benefits to being patient especially when things seem contradictory and paradoxical. The first benefit he says is that there is an expansion of the soul. Over time tension gives rise to thoughts, memories, and images that bring greater breadth to imagination." (p.141)
That reminds me that in my Life Coaching course we referred to "holding the space." That meant allowing time and silence, sitting with the client while they reflected on the issue at hand. It's a sharp contrast to rushing forth in a panicky search for anything that might be a temporary fix.
Moore goes on to add, "The soul grows bigger as it holds more thoughts, instead of shrinking them all down to the size of a single solution. And as we become more abundant in our souls, we can bring increased wisdom and acceptance to many areas of life." (p. 142).
My tendency is to want to think briefly about the problem and then find a quick answer based on what I've done in the past. Those behaviors are so well-rehearsed that it's natural to go straight to that familiar way of responding. But now, I'm seeing that some of those automatic responses were based on emotions that aren't reliable and usually fleeting.
Moore's second point about the benefit of slowing down our response is the "possibility of finding more profound and lasting solutions to our life problems. If we rush to solve a problem, the solution will need to be something ready-made or quickly put together, and will most likely be a project of the ego; but if we sustain the tension created by two worlds colliding, an unexpected solution will emerge eventually from the opening to souls that tension creates." (p. 142) Maybe this thinking outside our normal box could lead us to a more grace-filled life, and greater acceptance of the other person.
Eventually, with changing to this pattern during our waiting, Moore says we may move to a new perspective, a greater ability to embrace the complexity of life where things aren't often neatly resolved. As I try out these new ways of responding, I feel myself growing and that brings more confidence in responding to everything.
Throughout my life, grounded in my Christian faith, I've heard many references to waiting. There are lots of verses of scripture in the Bible that advise you to wait. Sometimes, I've wanted to ignore these verses; it seemed like an impossible thing for me, my temperament suited more for action than waiting. But as I've grown older, and my life has slowed down compared to those busy years of raising children and working, I've been more aware of being comfortable in waiting.
Now, I read this verse in the Psalms and see the reference to waiting, the emphasis on my soul waits, with the repetition of that phrase:
Psalm 130:5-6
"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning." (ESV)
I consider Moore's words and how in those moments of being faced with a dilemma, I have a conversation with God--prayer, and ask for guidance. Me waiting for direction, waiting for the Lead, is being still in that tension and opening up to a greater answer than my habitual expectations.
My hope for you, is that whatever you're waiting for, whatever answer you crave, you'll be able to sit with that tension and open your heart and soul to a bigger answer.
Grace and Peace to You,
Connie
No comments:
Post a Comment