Father's Day weekend is the catalyst for strong feelings for many. For some, their bags are packed, the car is loaded, and a sense of dread becomes a traveling companion. I have no first-hand knowledge of what I'm going to share, but a friend from long ago said this: "I'm not looking forward to the weekend. I don't want to go home. I'm going home for Father's Day only because of my mother."
The scars he carried from childhood were invisible to most. He said of his father: "My dad and I are not close. We have never been close. There is absolutely no emotional connection between us. There never has been. He is my dad, but I don't know him and he doesn't know me…He doesn't want to know me. I'm not important to him."
This morning before I got out of bed, I thought about any number of people I know for whom Father's Day represents something other than wonderful memories. I have a friend who never grieved his father's death. From his perspective, being separated from the unrelenting harshness inherent in that relationship was more of a blessing than a sense of loss of someone significant in his life.
I know people my age who have invested a lifetime of attempting to get to the place where they felt loved and accepted by their father. Despite every attempt, they perceived they could never do anything good enough to merit their father's blessing. They lived with that sense of rejection their entire lives.
Twenty years ago, the General and I watched the movie "8 Seconds." It is not typically the kind of movie that either of us would choose to watch, but it was well done.
The movie was based on the true story of Lane Frost, a young man from Oklahoma who became the World Champion Bull Rider. The portrayal of Lane Frost's father in the movie is exactly the kind of "you'll never be good enough" messaging that many sons consistently receive. According to the movie, Lane strived throughout his life to earn his father's approval and it was always tied to his next accomplishment.
There is one point in the movie where his father almost tells Lane he loves him, but he stops short. I hate it when I get teary eyed in a movie, but the son's attempt to simply be accepted by his father is enough to prompt a tear.
Subsequently, at the Cheyenne Frontier Days Rodeo while riding a bull known as "Takin Care of Business", Lane successfully rode for his 8 seconds. His abrupt dismount placed him in harm's way. He is horned by the bull and dies on the rodeo arena.
Yesterday, by happenstance, I saw that a documentary about Lane Frost has recently been made. For twenty years, people who knew and loved Lane Frost wanted to correct the earlier film's portrayal of the Lane Frost that they knew. One of the wrongs that they wanted corrected, had to do with Lane and his father's relationship. The relationship they shared was significantly closer than that presented in film. Unfortunately, for many, the memories etched in stone and the scars they carry, cannot be corrected by a makeover.
All the Best!
Don
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