By Ghislaine T Vode

This post is about setting up the rights expectations on us, on others, in any of our relationships (dating, family, friends, work, church or religious communities)

Let me start by breaking a myth here and say that perfect doesn't exist. Do you know why Perfect does not exist? I learned a few years back that Perfect means lacking nothing. A Perfect person never fails, never makes mistakes, never admits to them and therefore never learns from them. You can't improve perfect. You can' t add anything, or withdraw anything from perfect. You can't break perfect so you can't fix perfect. You can't live up to perfect. Because Perfect already has everything that he or she needs going in his or her "perfect" life, perfect does not need anyone else or anything else…

In all seriousness, this is to say that no one steps into a relationship being "perfectly" fine all by himself or herself already. and if you feel that you are, it only means that maybe you don't need a relationship with other people.

We all look for relationships that bring something else, something new, something better to complete us and make us whole (at least gets us closer to it). Admiting To your (Im)Perfection is understanding what a relationship is designed to provide.

The search for perfection is not just in relationships; it is everywhere everyday. It has come to be such an obsession in today' s society that you just might literally pass for average; lazy, having no to low standard; uninteresting, boring or a plain outcast when you are trying to break free from such social labels. What if "Perfect" meant something different? What about being inspired to define and find something right of our own that works just right for us, without that social permission/pressure of constantly being "perfect"?

This is not a blame. What if we've all been missing right, while looking for perfect? Sometimes, it is up to us to draw the lines, make our own bed so that we can ( finally ) sleep in it (as in defining what we are not going to pursue; and what we should instead, start considering just as good for us, as perfect)? Perfect is supposed to make us feel safe; not sorry. Because the quest for perfection may never end, because there is always going to be better, younger, more beautiful, on the other side side of the fence.

All relationships are based on mutual understanding that there is something missing in each other 's life. So we are willing to come together to create something new; build something together out of our broken pieces. When all you want is right in your life, because perfect just is not enough. We want and need a relationship that makes us grow, not stay the same. We want one that can be built, not pre ordered. We want to be able to asks the right questions, use the right tools, to create and shape a unique space where two people evolve and receive what they need along the way. Stop looking for perfect in yourself, or in other people.

How do you know if a person is the right, not Perfect, person for you ? I am glad you asked. And the answer is.. you know it by asking ….

Questions come from noticing something. Questions start conversations. Questions allow learning and sharing. Questions solve problems before they turn into unsolvable chaos.

Whatever you want to know, you have the opportunity to ask. Don't assume anything even when the answer seem obvious to you, especially when you are looking for the right thing to do next. We usually want to know it all, don't you? Questions are God' s gift To mankind, gifts to relationships because they open our heart to lnot only learning ,but also giving/ receiving. We all walk into relationships with loads and loads of question. Who? what? where? When how?…. Questions are reminders that we don't know everything ; they remind us of our limitations and our need to work toward a common goal.

What you don't know is out there for you to find. All you have to do is: ask. Seek. Look. Observe. Learn. But first foremost and most importantly ask. Questions do not have to be specific to be important.
Asking is the only healthy way to find out. Asking is the only efficient way I know of starting, renewing and sustaining relationships.

If you seek to know if the person is the right one for you, you must listen first. Then ask according To what you have heard. That is what first dates and interviews are for. Forget the nice food at the fancy restaurant, forget the fake smile, forget the expensive perfume and forget the fancy car for a minute. Focus on your outcome and expectations of having someone new into your life. Focus on direction. Focus on where you are heading in the future and determine where he or she is the right person to help too. What questions won't do for us in relationships, deeds will. But before you try anything life changing, make sure that you have asked, and receive the right reason why you should move even further.
Remember the answer to why you are looking for a relationship should give you wisdom (information), motivation, provision and permission to move forward.
In an upcoming article, I will share more about overcoming personal issues in our relationships…

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