I was looking for a holiday wallpaper for my work desktop computer of a festive burning fireplace.

The images that popped up were straight out of a model home, or a Dickens storybook, or a European castle. Everything but real life.

I picked the simplest yet appealing holiday fireplace wallpaper image I could find, set it and went about my merry ordinary way.

But now I'm thinking.

Holiday expectations can be so toxic. The reality is often much more of a steaming, stinky, stressful heap of burning hot mess.

Last night we decorated the tree and the inside of our house. I couldn't find a whole box of decorations in our cluttered ass garage, and lost my shit. Because my cat is old now and I'm scared he's going to die soon. And his cute little kitty stocking was in the missing box, and I felt like not putting up his stocking and using the crap plastic one I found instead would hasten his death, because irrational holiday fears.

I couldn't find the snuggly homemade Christmas quilt, either, or the rustic wooden sign featuring our last name I'd bought last year on after-Christmas clearance that would make Chip and Johanna proud.

My husband was playing video games, and not hugging us tearfully by the tree like in It's a Wonderful Life.

My kids were decorating the tree with their adorable little wrinkled construction paper ornaments they'd made through the years, and only putting ornaments on the front of the tree.

The star we had for the top of the tree was from my husband's last job he was grateful to be rid of. Should we still use it?

It's funny I was looking at fireplace pictures for my work computer, because we live in California and don't even have a fireplace in our two story home.

Our stockings are instead hung along the staircase with not quite so much care.

I know. There are so many filtered Instagram photos this time of year. But they are filtered and posed, after all.

And for those sparkling clean kitchens in the background? I don't even know. But I can tell you, that's not my reality and it's OK if it's not yours, either.

I'm not planning on sending holiday cards this year, or even taking professional pictures.

So here it is. My daughter happily hanging her construction paper ornaments on our little artificial tree, and my husband's foot while he plays video games.

And it is more than enough.

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