Monday, May 16, 2022

[New post] How To Be A Horrible Boyfriend

How To Be A Horrible Boyfriend

forgoldensouls

May 16

Hello there,

If you're a man and you've stumbled on this article... keep reading. You're in the right place.

Now that you're here, let's get started. Now, since you men love to find a good thing and then ruin it, I've decided to help your ministry grow by breaking down how to be a terrible boyfriend and ruin a perfectly good relationship into six easy steps. Really, I hope this one's at least easy to follow through.

But first, I think we should start off with a backstory, don't you think? So here's one: You notice a single woman flourishing and thriving, living her best life, and then you think, "How can I ruin this?" So you slide into her dm or her life, do everything right, and say all the right words just to get her to let her guards down. So she gets comfortable with you, she thinks you're "the one", and she's finally ready to let go of the hurt from the past and love again. You might even decide to take things a little spiritual, so you start off by attending her church, you say hi to her after the Sunday service, then when she notices you're a regular at the church, she gets comfortable enough to give you her phone number.

Then... mission accomplished! Or is it? No, because you have one more trick up your sleeve and that's adding her on the YouVersion Bible app so you can stalk her enough to see what Bible verses she highlights. You're going to proceed to post the same verses she's highlighting so she thinks it's a sign from God, a man God sent.

At this point, certainly feels you're the right guy for her. You've also been randomly sending her gifts. You've been going out of your way to do things for her. What woman doesn't appreciate a man who pampers her and goes all out for her?

Now that you've probably checked all her boxes, you make the final move to make things official, not long term though. You ask her to be your partner, and she says "yes."

Congratulations, you've got the girl! Now that we've gotten over this hurdle, you finally got the girl, let's talk about how you're going to ruin things five weeks into the relationship – that's if you have the decency to wait that long.

1. The first thing you're going to want to do is start responding to her messages late, you could go hours without checking up on her. You could air her messages for hours, and if she ever brings this up, you'd just tell her you're busy. I mean, you're a tech bro, there's always a code to debug, what did she think she was getting herself into?

2. Then you're going to take things a step further; you're probably going to need to go a few days without sending a single text or calling her. Then one day, out of the blue, you send her the "hey, you good?" text so she knows you clearly have other priorities.

3. Now, at this point, she's definitely pissed and worried. If you're lucky, she's probably not moved on to another guy, she's still very much interested in knowing why you went off. At this point, you're going to try to pacify her for a bit. Maybe take her out on a date or show up at her house announced with loads of gifts. This is basically just to make sure the heartbreak is brutal and unexpected when it happens.

4. At this point, she thinks everything is okay again, but no, it's not. So you're going to do even more to show her that you're the world's most terrible boyfriend. We're going to go back to the late responses, she's just going to have to deal with it. Your tardiness becomes so awful that she gets to tolerate it. Her birthday is approaching, so she's unlikely to bring up the fact that you've been airing her messages again. She already has a wish list handy. This is your chance to really screw things up; you forget her birthday. Yes, while she's getting messages, calls, and gifts from her friends, you refuse to acknowledge that it's her birthday. The day is not yet over so she probably thinks you have something special planned for her, but you really don't.

5. So you don't call her on her birthday, you don't show up for her anymore, you don't spend time talking to her on the phone, you both haven't been out on a date in like forever, no words of affirmation, no quality time spent together, zero gifts and no intentionality. She's furious and she's ready to walk away... and she does just that. Congrats, you've done a good job so far, you're single again.

6. There's just one final icing on this cake. She's broken up with you, moved on with her life, and decided that she's better off being single. So, you give her a year to heal from the hurt you caused her, then you show up. When you see she's started posting pictures on her Twitter and Instagram feed, you're going to send that message and it's going to read; "hey, just checking in on you."

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