[New post] One On One Time With Each Of Your Children
allthingsgodlypretty posted: " I often disappear on social media on the weekends and I would feel so guilty for not interacting and engaging on social media to grow my pages. It became a major clash between driving traffic to the blog and quality time spent with my children. In" All Things Godly and Pretty
I often disappear on social media on the weekends and I would feel so guilty for not interacting and engaging on social media to grow my pages. It became a major clash between driving traffic to the blog and quality time spent with my children.
In my mind I know that this is the time I have to use the most as the children are young and we miss too many things when we are often too busy in our own world. There is so much that goes into raising children beyond feeding them, creating routines, planning meals, bathing them, buying them clothes, providing shelter and education.
There are these invisible things we do not see like giving attention, quality time, paying attention to their gifts and talents.
Its time to stop feeling guilty and creating the way you desire to feel. The restaurant visits and vacations will be more exciting because you will not be working so hard to fix anything but you will be focusing on the meals and beautiful scenery more than any discord that may be there.
Quality Time
Focusing on quality time with each of your children is so beneficial for your relationship with each one of them. Little emphasis is placed on spending quality time with our families. We are lured to spend for vacations and staycations as much as that is also very important but if you do not bond or build your relationship consistently then it does not benefit you much.
It is easy To confuse quality time and quantity because we think when we are at home it counts for quality time. Not necessarily, you can be home but be occupied in your thoughts, work, studies and the internet.
We do not encourage that you neglect other important activities but we do recommend that you allocate time and be present with your children. Once you practice this it will become a habit and you will master time for each child. Physical presence does not mean mental presence so be careful not to be physically present with your child and be on your cellphones or other electronics that take your attention.
15 minutes of your undivided attention on each child makes the biggest difference and for me its under an hour for three children.
How to make Quality time a reality
Dedicate 10-15 minutes with each child consistently
I may rush to saying let this be daily and you will often feel like a failure whenever you are not able to make it daily. Choose days that will work for you and you can actually pick a day for each child and ensure to keep the other children occupied.
Icebreaker
Choose an ice breaker and entertain and give your children undivided attention the moment you get home. Yes, before you actually start cooking and washing your face. It will serve you well to give them the attention that they desire then go ahead and start cooking which will prepare for the time you spend with each of them.
Time Block
planning will serve you well and I notice that whatever we write down where you can see it and make an intention to do something about it, it really serves you.So write it down mommy, then plan for it.
When can you create the extra time for each time for your children?
It may be everyday, each day for each child, weekends and know that each of these times are never too small but worth it because it will benefit you and your children.
Wishing things were different or fantasizing if you had an hour earlier knock off from work may not get you far. However working with what you have is really a great place to start. I for one knows just how far routines can get you as a mom that works full time, runs a business, blogs twice a week and has daily mail and ads.
A routine is something you can do consistently that will align with your plans and goals. Now you know that you want to spend time with each child, you can plan how it can be made possible even if you have a new born baby.
How can we make this a reality?
It does not get better than planning and using the time you have. Consider the time you can use to spend with each baby at a time that works for you. It may be different if you have a new born baby or if you are still breast feeding means you naturally spend more time with the youngest.
Children may not be able to articulate their feelings into words or understand them as we do as adults. So your older children may feel like you like their younger sibling more. Dedicating as little as 10 minutes of undivided attention to each of your older children can really go a long way and make a big difference.
When children adapts does not mean they do not need their time with you
I am pretty sure you will notice that the older children may have extreme ways of asking for your attention like;
Crying
Tantrums
Shouting
Throwing things
However a child gets to a point where they are used to the way things are and just finds a way to self soothe themselves like watch a lot of TV, spend time on the tablet, isolate themselves and more. This does not mean a child no longer needs attention but it may mean your child got used to not getting attention.
A routine is a great way to keep you aware and actually make your plans to engage with each of your children more of a reality. However this does not mean you do not have to be spontaneous as you find yourself having free time or when the younger children are asleep. It does not have to be planned all the time.
Some of the times I spend with each of my children are very much spontaneous. There are times when I will feel that I need more time present with them because I have been busy with editing content and I teach myself to listen to that need.
This allows you to relax and not be rigid all the time. It opens up your mind to be ready to interact anytime. Stick with what works for you and do not stress if other weeks are much busier but aim to be consistent even if its bedtime bonding or three times a week.
Whatever works for you as a family, give it a go.
On being spontaneous
Your child may be showing you their school work or a certain dance, this may be the time to fully engage. Ask them questions on how they did such great work or how they learnt their dance and continue with the conversation.
I love to ask for advice sometimes on simple things from my children and i learn so much and I truly value their advice. I asked my 4 year old how I can stay happy like she does everyday and she told me to practice all the time and I would get better at it. Such great advice!
Involve them In your activities, chores, cooking, ask for their help and offer to help in their own activities. This leads us to the next point.
Involve Them In Your Activities
Sometimes you may not get time all the time but when you are busy in the house with cooking, cleaning, skincare it may be time we stopped chasing them all the time but allow them to help.
This does not mean forcing a child to be involved in activities they do not want to do. You will know the ones they enjoy as you ask them to join you.
Examples
Let them give you their in put
Watering the garden
Setting the table
Cleaning
Reading together
Bible study
These are examples and let it not restrict you on your own activities at home.
Children ask a lot of questions so they will ask about the activities you do together and this is a great time to practise being a good listener and answer their questions. They will know if you are distracted. Learn to pay attention.
Join Their Activities
Children always find something to do and you can learn about what they are passionate another. Join your child as the child colours, when building blocks, riding with their bicycle.
Learning about each child's interest and taking time to notice and nurture it, ask about it and show an interest too makes up for the best quality time.
Joining their activities made simple
Ask for their in put
Pay attention to their interests
Put Away Electronics
There are just somethings that cannot be multi tasked. Not being able to balance your time with your children and the time you spend watching a movie or playing a game or on your cellphone may hinder your interaction with each of your children
The aim is to find off screen activities that allow you to talk, get to know each other, listen to each other, make eye contact and engage in a meaningful conversations.
Avoid Your Using Your Phone
The point is to have good interaction with your children and you may not achieve that if you are constantly distracted.
Replying to messages
Scrolling through media feed
Taking calls
Somethings may have to wait and you can schedule it another time.
Involve Your Spouse
As it should be! He can keep the other children occupied while you spend time with one child.
When you have just had a baby this will help a lot so your older childre
I trust this opens your mind in this very important part of raising children. Being present and giving quality time to your children. As much as that is the case it should not add more anxiety, stress and pressure to you. If the time for each child does not work for now then stick to family interactions.
If the time for each child does not work for now then stick to family interactions.
Make use of meal times, bedtime prayers and bible study, interactive games.
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