When it comes to parenting, most of us who've filled that role didn't have kids who came with an owner's manual. When Craig was born, I was working as a child protective services worker. Prior to his birth, in at least two court cases, I was asked while under oath on the witness stand by the attorney providing cross-examination if I had kids of my own?
I always thought the question was irrelevant, but the attorney representing the State never objected to the question. Following Craig's birth, I had the sense that as a dad, I now had more credibility in court because I had a child of my own.
It wasn't that we were totally at a loss in knowing what to do as new parents. I was twenty-four years-old and the General was a couple of years younger. We had a supportive network of folks that we could rely on for answers if we had questions. But for the most part, we thought we had most of the answers that we needed.
Prior to becoming a parent, I had already resolved to do a couple of things differently from the way I was raised. I was never physically abused as a child, but I got a lot of spankings. Most often, I was spanked because when mother said, "she didn't want to hear another word", she meant it.
It is not my intent to throw either of my brothers under the bus, but the story provided mother when there was conflict between us wasn't always consistent with my perception of what really had taken place. I resolved that if I ever had children, I would provide them an opportunity to fully express themselves. I think I have most kept that resolution. Either of my kids may choose to differ.
The other resolution that I made was that I would never force my children's participation in sports. When I didn't want to play little league baseball, my mother saw it more as a character flaw rather than an individual preference. I didn't plan to subject my children to that. By the way, I didn't make the team.
When my son and daughter-in-law were expecting their first child, I asked Craig what he planned to do differently from his perception of the way he was raised. He immediately smiled and said: "Dad, I'm not saying it was effective, but there has to be a better way than manipulation through guilt." Ouch!
Yesterday I became aware that Cal Farley's Boys Ranch is now providing parenting information through a podcast to help parents or anyone with an interest in knowing how to intentionally and thoughtfully parent children.
Using all the tools that are now known about brain development, Cal Farley's staff have started a weekly podcast entitled "Brain Based Parenting." The podcast is only twenty minutes long and if you parent children, I think you'll find it time well spent.
Yesterday's broadcast was very well done. I liked the relaxed interaction between the four participants. It felt conversational and inviting. In addition, the four panelists are at the top of the leaderboard in knowing best practice. This is a free resource.
Here is the iTunes link:
https://podcasts.apple.com/.../brain-based.../id1716534284
or if you want to play on your browser:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2272832/13925784
All My Best,
Don
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