The success is not in this woman's, beating her cancer, but in how she'd, found her self back, through the process of having cancer, and now, she can, walk forward, with those, battle scars, proud, and continue on, to the rest of her life! Overcoming the obstacles that fate throws at you…translated…
The Most Difficult is Not Being Diagnosed with Cancer, But to Have to, Give Up on the Dreams One Had, Pursued, So, Long……………….
When I was, twenty-six, I was diagnosed with second stage breast cancer, and overnight, I'd had to, give up on my dreams, as well as, my life too.
I'd, gone by myself to England to take courses in jewelry design, and, due to the pressures from work, relationship, and being all alone in a foreign land, a black dog named "depression", started, taking up space inside of me. And, as I'd, finally, gotten my self back up, readied to start off anew, the biopsy shattered everything for me.
Fallen Ill in a Foreign Country, Getting Treatment, Struggled in London for Three Months
"You have second-stage breast cancer", I went blank, couldn't say a word out, just, stared at the biopsy results before me, and the tears came out flowing nonstop.
"I'm only twenty-six, how can I have, cancer?", I'd, pinched my own hand, wanted to wake myself up, thinking I was in that, dream………….
At this time, the hardest wasn't getting diagnosed with cancer, but on how I'd had to, give up on this dream I'd, chased so long, that's, within, my reach. Since my diagnosis, I'd not dared, told anybody I knew, friends, relatives, families, nor my colleagues from work. I'd worked really hard, to upkeep my original life, pretended to be busying between the office and the hospital, struggled on my own, hard in London alone, for three whole, months.
"Why wasn't your first thought to just, come home? Had it been me, I would've, dashed for home."
"I don't want to give up on my dreams, just because I got sick." Being alone, going between work and hospital, and one day, I finally, could no longer, handle the pressures of my treatments anymore, I'd started, wailing in the dormitory then. Then, suddenly, I'd not wanted to, face this, alone on my own, I'd called my mother, and younger brother and told them, originally, I'd thought that mom wouldn't be able to handle it, but she was, stronger than I'd, been.
"Come back home, mom's here for you!", with the compounding pressures of falling ill, my families' worries over me, and the language barrier, I'd, made one of the, most difficult choices in my life—to, let go. Before I got sick, I had a lot of, dreams, given my self a ton of pressures, and now, I'd, decided to leave London, to return to Taiwan for treatment, I believed, that this would be, an opportunity for me, and I'd needed, that brand new, start too.
The Most Painful Side Effect, Was the Sense of Self-Abasement & the Self-Blame
I'd once thought, what is, the thing that I couldn't, handle, the answer is, "becoming, ugly".
During my chemotherapy, the most severe of side effects, wasn't from the needles getting, stuck into me, but the self-abasement, and self-blame. Before I fell ill, I was, very confident of my own looks, and yet, due to the side effects from the medication, I started, breaking out, and the melanin started, saturating, my face swelled due to the steroids, edema, losing my hair…….to the point of, gaining, a total of 17.6 pounds. It'd, crumbled my original, confidence to face others, as well as the expectations I held for my, self. During that period, I'd always, hidden in the bathrooms, and cried to the mirrors, became anxious in a crowd, and started feeling the social, anxieties.
diagnosed of cancer at the age of twenty-six...photo from online, from two years ago
I couldn't bare to hear others talked about how much weight I'd, gained, how people are, looking at me more, and as I walked, I'd worried that my wig might, fall, off, worried that I may see those whom I love cry, can't accept who I am, right now.
"But you look, very, normal", yeah, I am, normal, looking, I'd, tried my best, to make myself, appear, normal, to show the happy side of me, to everybody else.
At the time, I was, trapped deep, into the swamp of depression, and often asked myself, "why me? Why, is it that I'm so young, and needed to, weather through, this?", returned to Taiwan, with the company of friends, and families, they'd, told me, "you'd, looked, more beautiful now!", when I couldn't, accept myself, and, it'd, made me realized, that the inner beauty, is what's, more precious, and, irreplaceable.
With the Scars, I'd, Been, Reborn Out of the, Darkness
Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I was, a perfectionist, while the treatment process of my cancer, the hardest of it, is for me to, accept the imperfections of my own, self. Finding my self back isn't an easy task, so I'd, learned to, divert my attention, forget that I was, a patient, returned back to my identity as a jewelry designer, started my own brand, hoped, that I can, make the pieces that people can connect with, that gives them, strengths.
illustration from UDN.com
This brand became, a magical, spiritual sustenance, like that light in the, darkness, gave me the motivations to, keep, going. As I'd put on the jewelries I'd designed and made myself, it was like, putting on the courage, and the beliefs too, using the fullest level of self-confidence, the most, beautiful, stature, to face every new challenge that came, my way.
I'd used "Pluto" as the theme of this series, as Pluto meant the darkness and, rebirth, like how Pluto was no longer one of the planets in the solar system, but it'd still, rotated around the sun just the same, like how I got, deserted by fate, and lost everything overnight, but I still, rotated around what I loved doing the most, and, birthed out of the, darkness.
Some say, growing up is in an instant's, time, and, the moment I got diagnosed, was that, moment.
"Seeing how brave you are, I'm no longer afraid of my future either, no matter what comes next, I will be able to, weather through, it."
Never thought, that I can, help someone have the, courage, through my jewelries, I'd decided, to start telling the stories using my jewelries, not only the stories of my self, but also, of others as well, hoping, that my designs can, give them the confidence, the beauty, as well as, the strengths too.
the brooch, the necklace that this woman designed...photo from online
Now, I'm at the end of my, treatment, but I know, that this journey isn't, over because of my final round of, chemo, I have to, take these scars on my body, and in my psyche, to keep on going, toward the future.
"Cancer gave me a brand new, me". I'm a jewelry designer, also, a cancer patient, and I'm also, someone, who inspires others, giving others, the, courage too.
So, you'd, finally gotten through your cancer, and, you'd learned, to NOT define you self, based off of anything that's, external: wealth, fame, job title, or the parts that you have (breasts???), and, you'd, come out of your cancer, with a stronger, sense of the, self, so, you'd, gained a lot more than, you'd, lost, and now, you're, using your story to inspire others as well.
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