I had a deep realization today, as sad as it may feel at times as the kids grow and become even more independent, need their parents less as they become more confident in the world. It's so cool to watch them each become their own incredible person.
Why this is impacting me to my heart and soul so deep, makes sense as for the past 4 years, through various shut downs etc, we spent a LOT of time together as a family. A lot.
For what "it" was, it being the most weird, messed up time in the world, my god am I ever grateful we were given that time IN life with our kids.
It was also a time that our norms, very much weren't anymore. The kids couldn't play the sports they were playing, we couldn't go to a restaurant or hockey games or travel, we couldn't leave Canada. So we truly immersed ourselves within OUR lives, our home, our community and surrounding communities.
I am so truly grateful for this time. For showing out kids what it means to stick by your morals and ethics and follow our truth even though so many around us were following the crowd.
I am grateful for showing not only this strength to our kids but also the Surrender and deep vulnerability.
These 4 years were admittedly very challenging for various reasons. We were in a battle with the medical system with both my husband and son, amongst all the various shut downs and mandates. Our work is also essential, so I found myself living much of my life in the masculine, needing to still work to do my job, but more important to have the income, take both to various appointments, push and fight for care, also ensuring I made time for me as well as our daughter.
This has truly been my deepest and hardest tests in life, I can admit that with confidence in the growth I have learned. Within these past 4 years, everything, EVERYTHING in my past that I hadn't dealt with... re-surfaced.
I was living in the masculine, daily, in the to-do mode. Especially when my husband was down and out, I can see how I went into auto-pilot mode and turned my emotions off.
Until I then couldn't anymore. I had to surrender hard. There were days I cried all day. Yes, even at work. There were many nights, I was thankful our kids are teens so they could make themselves dinner, as I couldn't find the strength.
This yo-yo'd for 3 years.
My nervous system had been in react for so long, constantly reacting to the various things happening around me. Living in a state of fear, constant worry and the unknown.
The incredible examples of karma, Manifestation and healing.
I am grateful for being spoiled these past 4 years, for being forced to spend more (almost all) of our time together and to do things other than what we normally would. I am grateful for the growth, for the deep trust I have for me and my intuition.
and I am allowed to miss this... I am allowed to be happy sad that our kids are both beautiful individuals who we are so proud of.
I'm so grateful for the photos, incredibly grateful, I can feel the moment captured within that image, deep in my soul. Both happy and sad.
As I have also been forced to be much more with myself these past 4 years as well, I am grateful for the work. I am grateful for allowing me to feel, to clear and transmute a lot of what I once pushed down and away.
The Healing has allowed me to be an even more present and Purposeful parent also, which I am grateful for. I am proud to demonstrate to our kids the importance of feeling and encourage them. Also showing and demonstrating that I am not perfect ♡, I am also contually growing and learning every single day!
I am so grateful to be their mom!
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Pamela Zmija – Healing Artist
Camera Equipment – Canon R6MII, 5DMIII, Canon RP, Canon 24-105f4L, Canon 100mm f2.8L Macro, Canon 50mm f1.2L, Canon 16-35 f2.8L, Canon RF 35mm f1.8, Canon 24-105 f4-7.1 (kids kit)
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