I don't have to drive to Kings' Island to experience the thrill and sensation of the fast and exciting rides. My own head is filled with spinning and dizziness and confusion about where I am in space. All I have to do is walk down the hall, and the exciting "ride simulation" begins. I start to wobble, and my heart starts pounding, while I reach out to hang on to the wall. I feel the start of a clockwise spin in my brain, and just when I've gotten used to that, it changes direction, to counter clockwise! I survive the "ride" down the hall, then turn around and head back the other way. Sometimes there's no dizziness, but just a feeling of "heaviness" in my head. But this symptom does not keep me chair-bound, because I have dealt with dizziness for years, and I'm used to it. It can be annoying at times, especially when I lean down to pick something up, and then stand back up. That brings on a stronger dose of dizziness. I try to avoid that situation. But, other than that I still go for walks, still drive my car (I NEVER feel dizzy while driving, thank God!). For years, in my job, I had to lift clients too weak to stand on their own. I was great at that, probably still would be. What's slowing me down now is fatigue, chronic anxiety, and a lack of energy. And also an inability, at times, to think clearly. The more stressed I feel, the "mushier" my thinking becomes. That is definitely the most frustrating "symptom" of this whole mess!
I used to take daily, anti-anxiety meds, but decided to taper off of those several months ago, because it didn't seem like they were helping me all that much. I've been off of them for quite some time. But last night, as I was lying in bed, with adrenalin rushing through my chest and keeping me awake, the thought came to me that maybe they WERE helping, and maybe my decision to wean off of them set me up for this current health breakdown. I went on MyChart and was able to order a refill, even though I haven't used it for a while. I should be able to pick it up at the pharmacy on Friday. It will be interesting to see if I notice any improvement in my health by ramping back up on this prescription.
In the meantime, I'll just keep riding my "built-in ferris wheel," and my merry-go-round, and the twisting/turning roller coasters. Because, who can complain about having an amusement park in their own head?! I'm the luckiest thrill seeker in the world, with a free, lifetime pass to all the experiences of Disney World, without the long lines! 😁
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