War changes lives. Everyone has a story and many of those stories carry sadness and heartache related to war. Some carry their burdens silently and if you didn't already know, you'd probably never know. Some people are more comfortable keeping their personal life private.
While I think there is value and truth to the proverb: "Shared joy is double joy – Shared sorrow is half sorrow," many people opt not to live that way. Of course, from my perspective they do themselves and their community a disservice. When God decreed that it was not good for man to be alone, He wasn't just talking about a marriage relationship. He was talking about the importance of shared community and meaningful relationships.
I had a friend and former co-worker, whose friendship I valued for almost 40 years. She is now on the other side of Eternity. Over the years that I knew her, she was alternately open and at other times protective in sharing details of her personal life.
Early in our friendship and shared work community, I learned from her chronic absenteeism that she struggled with the need for strong drink. Our work was stressful and the deadlines grueling. I probably even at times
flippantly left the office saying, "Ill make mine a double." Of course it would have been said tongue-in-cheek. My friend never verbalized her intent to have a drink, but when she drank, she drank like there was no tomorrow.
In addition, when she drank like there was no tomorrow, she didn't come to work the following day. Sometimes she didn't come to work until the following week or maybe the week after that.
Isn't it true that all behavior is an attempt to get a need met? While it was less than effective, my colleague turned to alcohol to quench the demons or to drown the sorrow she experienced. Perhaps it was because my friend knew my twin was MIA, she had shared with me that she was the mother of twins. Both of her
children died at birth. Perhaps that was the Achilles' heel that put her sobriety at risk. It really is true, until you walk a mile in another's shoes, you have no right to pass judgment.
Until twenty-two years ago, she had never shared with me that she lost someone very dear in Vietnam. I was absolutely flabbergasted. Reportedly, the two had talked about marriage although they had not formally set a date or officially sealed their engagement with a ring.
In December 2002, 36 years following the death of her friend, an attorney representing the estate of her friend's mother contacted my friend. Apparently, the mother had recently died. In her estate, she made provision for the engagement ring and wedding ring that were returned in the personal effects of her son from Vietnam. After 36 years, the rings finally found their way to the intended bride.
My friend had no knowledge of the ring's existence. She was located by use of her social security number. The attorney had contacted the registrar's office of the college my friend had attended almost four decades earlier. It was through that process that the rings made their way to the intended.
The story was shared with me via email. She wrote, "The rings I am finding, mean a great deal to me. I wear them on a chain. They are a material link to a time when I was not only a lot younger, but much less cynical and full of shared hopes and plans".
While many will not give thought to the ultimate sacrifice made by the men and women in uniform this memorial day, I can almost assuredly say that for all those whose plans and hopes were cut short when their loved one didn't return, the three-day weekend of summer will be bittersweet.
There are many children who don't have the luxury of simply focusing on Memorial Day parades, family barbeques and an extra day to have one's dad at home. For them Memorial Day weekend carries with it a significance that will always remind them of life's brokenness. They were or are the children of a father or a mother who did not return. They were part of a family broken and forever fractured from the ills of war.
They are the children whose children will never know a grandparent who could have made them feel special, significant and regard them as the most important person in the world.
There is a generational impact of war. The only way to neutralize that impact or minimize the damage done is through people meeting people at the point of need. We all have the potential to be a surrogate ….. something (father, grandfather, uncle, son, mother, grandmother, daughter, aunt, etc.) the relationship of
community. People need people. They need someone to fill the gap for those roles in their life will that are empty unless someone steps up to the table and says, "I can do it. I want to do it. I'll be there for you."
It seems like the least any of us could do who've been afforded the privilege of living in the land of the free and the home of the brave.
All My Best!
Don
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