Thursday, August 8, 2024

After The Laundry Is Done

By cheryloreglia on August 8, 2024

And The Dust Has Settled

"In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed." - Khalil Gibran

As I sit here, missing those daily rides across Iowa, folding the fifth load of laundry for the day, I hold up my RAGBRAI jersey and drink in the sweet memories of laughter, friendship, and overcoming our fears.

The older I get, the ethos of time becomes more and more pronounced, and I realize I only really want one thing.

It might not be what you're thinking, or maybe it is. What I want is fabulous relationships—not just fabulous, but extraordinary, rare, unconditional—because I don't have time to mess around at this stage of life.

Okay, if I'm being honest, I really should admit to both of my desires: fabulous relationships and thick pork chops sauteed in Irish butter and then grilled to perfection, but that's not really a thing. It's more of a necessity.

I want people in my life who bring me joy, peace, and calm. If not, go away.

Fair-weather friends were the relationships you thought would last forever, but the minute you were no longer useful or too difficult, they dropped you like a hot potato, and now you have no idea if they've gone vegan or know how to play pickleball.

I want to attract good people into my life—safe, tranquil, and considerate types. I don't want to worry about the stability of our connection or how I present myself when I'm having a bad hair day. I realize I'm a recovering people-pleaser, but I am no longer willing to pretend to be someone I'm not because I want your validation and acceptance.

Guess what? I'm not for everyone.

I have met enough people to know the difference between the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. This is not chess; I don't need to capture a bunch of players to win.

When life throws me a curveball, I don't want to look back on my darkest days and wonder where you were and why you didn't stand with me or come to my defense. I don't understand people who speak with a forked tongue because it's more important to be liked by everyone than truly loyal to anyone.

I prefer peace, maybe because I'm a nine on the Enneagram, and you can't beat that out of me.

Oh, and I cry a lot these days because life is so damn sweet. It just makes me weep, good tears, plentiful and warm. And I'm not apologizing for that, either. It's more like bragging, or maybe I'm overhydrated and still high on electrolytes.

Who knows?

But I'll tell you what—I'm tired of all the games—not games like Mexican Train, but all those things I feel like I have to say and do to fit in. I want you to trust me like I trust you. I don't want to fret over why you're not talking to me, why we remember everything differently, and whose fault it is.

I'm retired from all that.

When I'm with a friend, I want to feel like I do in my Lululemon leggings and a cashmere sweatshirt on a cool evening, with a roaring fire and a glass of fine red wine--comfy, warm, and peaceful.

It's not too much. Right?

There is no room in my life for bitterness, anger, or regret. That's boring, and quite frankly, it's ridiculous to let the past dictate my future. Isn't it enough that I survived my 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s without doing any jail time?

I have all the grit I need. I know how to pick myself off the floor, and like Gumby, I've learned how to be flexible and resilient. Just look at all my grey hair. Hopefully, I've learned from my mistakes and figured out how to forgive both you and me with equal amounts of immunity.

Drama is not my thing; it never has been. If I were to imagine a perfect tomorrow, it would be without all the senseless theatrics, social climbing, and worthless competitions. That ladder fell out of my truck while I was driving to the lake.

I want to lead with compassion, love, and earnestness—no chaos, turmoil, or resentment. Let's just assume everyone is doing the best they can. They might be dealing with something tragic. I will not abandon you when you need me most, I'll sit right next to you, and we can just cry if you want. I'll keep your secrets as if a priest, and if you need to talk in the middle of the night, I'm your girl.

This time of life is about asking the right questions, listening carefully to each other, and responding from a place of love. Let's let kindness reign, assume the best in each other, and let the rest go.

I told my sister this morning that we are no longer going to automatically apologize or offer detailed explanations every time someone disagrees with us. We're on a new journey, one that involves politely asking for what we need and saying exactly what we think. Nancy and Cheryl are kicking ass and taking names.

Bahaha.

I am not sorry for speaking my mind, holding healthy boundaries, or leaving a situation that is not good for me.

Clearly, I'm not for everyone, and everyone is not for me, but when it's a good fit, we'll all be able to say what my mom said about being with my dad, "He made me a better person when I was with him." Damn. That's what I'm talking about.

I don't care what everyone else might prioritize in the twilight of their lives. I'm prioritizing good relationships.

And pork chops, obviously.