Dating and courtship behaviors inform the marriage. The equilibrium of patterns is formed between the partners by what they accept and allow. I have tried to write the post several times. A road trip preparation and the trip really shows the fissures in my marriage. I do all the work on both sides of the trip because frankly it wouldn't get done. My husband does very little in our home. He certainly does very little for me. Flowers, etc. I have always told him it is the little things that matter to me.
There is always a straw that breaks the camel's back. For me, it was a single plate. I had brought the family up breakfast and I asked my husband to bring the plates downstairs. He said he would and immediately said he wouldn't. My reaction was rage because it is a bigger issue of disrespect and laziness. He went to the dining room to eat more. I took the plate down to the dining room and made sure I made a noise. I didn't say a word to him, I gave him a glare. Honestly, I wanted to call him out on it right there.
Then, his friend (who came on this trip too) said to me look like a bomb went off in our room. I was livid because it is rare that I put my feet up. My husband didn't say a word in my defense.
Now, the next thing read carefully, this is not about jealousy, it is about respect. My husband thinks he is the most charming man in the world when there are women out in public. He makes me feel invisible. We were at Sun Valley and he held everyone up talking to this ugly woman. I am sitting in the backseat like a 3-year-old while he is in the front seat of our friend's car. I reminded him that he needs to start making me feel like I am a cherished wife, not a maid.
I am not proud of this, I made sure my husband felt what is like to have your female or male pride wounded. We were in an area where I knew there were very good-looking, fit men. I carried our very heavy cooler. A man took it from me saying he couldn't imagine my husband not helping me. My husband saw this, "I was going to help her with that." The man looked at my husband and said "I would have thought you were her father, not her husband." I gave my husband a very smug look.
I went back to the room. I was furious because this trip was the worst of the year. My husband makes the lip service of saying he wants to help, I ask him, but he doesn't do it. 'I have been far more patient with my husband than any other man. I told him early in our courtship, that I had expectations about how I am treated. Early, he expected me to drive to see a concert last minute over 100 miles total trip. I said no. He was floored. I told him I was to be picked up at my door or I wouldn't go. I went out with my friends that night.
My husband is falling short in the little things. He doesn't open doors for me anymore. This morning after several days of discussing his shortcomings, I do not have any, I meet all of his needs. He is still lying in bed, at 10:30 he didn't get up and make the coffee. It is the ONE THING he does for me. He is not gong to change his behavior because he doesn't feel like he needs to.
Surprisingly, I was shocked when his friend told him that my husband needed to step it.
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