The other day, I made an audacious comment on social media. I posited that one "can and should enjoy meditation." Now, this was on Threads, a platform with character limits. It was in response to someone else's post about struggling with practice. When I made it, I assumed the comment was a pretty basic thing to say.
Despite my experience with social media, I was surprised when people responded to this with hostility. One person used actual profanity and another responded with a video, presumably to tell me I wrong.
The real issue here was probably that social media is not the best forum for clear communication. Even so, these surprising interactions got me thinking. Is it okay to enjoy your meditation practice? I think so. No longer shackled by character limits, I will explain why.
Expectations in Meditation Can Be Dangerous
The commenter who sent me the GIF of a meditation teacher telling me I was wrong had this point to make: looking to enjoy your meditation practice is often problematic. Meditation can lead to a reduction in stress, a more open mind, and heart, and many positive life changes. But it does so when we let it teach us.
Looking for meditation to be a certain kind of experience often blocks this. One of the biggest benefits of meditation is seeing things, ourselves, and the world clearly. It's hard to see things clearly when you have a big goal in mind.
This is why, when I commented that one should enjoy meditation, I wasn't saying that one should expect to enjoy meditation. Instead, what I meant was that if meditation becomes a regular part of your life, it really helps if you find something in it that you enjoy. In this way, it is good to be open to enjoying meditation practice while being watchful of expectations for your practice to feel a certain way.
Are You in Shape for Meditation?
The woman who reacted to my comment with hostility, I suspect, had a different problem. She expressed a lot of struggles with the practice itself. As I have written before, this can happen for a variety of reasons.
People new practice may have to build up a tolerance for it. I started at 1 minute day and even then found all the thoughts and feelings I had been ignoring most of my life to be overwhelming. Over time, I had to learn a lot about letting go and responding to myself with kindness instead of judgment.
The other piece of this, though, is that most of us are not learning meditation in an ideal way. Many of us may be learning from apps, books, or guided meditations. This is what I did, so I don't knock it. However, I can't tell you how much easier the practice got when I began working with teachers and developed a good community.
If your practice is far from enjoyable, consider whether you are still learning and whether you could support your practice more.
Every Session Won't Be Enjoyable
Although I generally enjoy my meditation practice, the truth is that I frequently don't. Sometimes I space out and barely notice it. Sometimes it is painful, physically or emotionally. And sometimes I resist doing it because I don't want to face what is lurking in my mind and heart.
After years of practice I now know that this is just life. I normally love working out, practicing law, being with my kids, and writing. Depending on the circumstances, though, all of those preferred activities can become painful.
In the times when meditation, or any other healthy habit, feels hard, I usually have to adjust, simplify, and give myself a lot of grace. For this reason, the surprising thing is that I often learn and benefit as much from the hard times as I do from the experiences that feel great. So, of course, every meditation session won't be enjoyable. That's life and it's okay.
In General, Enjoying Meditation Is a Good Thing
After you establish your practice and work through the initial hurdles, I hope that your meditation practice becomes generally enjoyable. When you pay attention, meditation can feel pretty good. For busy people, it may be nice to just stop and rest for a while. In addition, breathing deeply and relaxing the body can feel nice.
But enjoyment matters for practical reasons too. Just like exercise, meditation can't affect you in a positive way if you don't do it. Life experience teaches us all that we are a much more likely to repeatedly do an activity we enjoy. This is what I really meant when I said one "should" enjoy meditation.
This wasn't a rule. Instead, it was a remark on practical realities. Meditation is much more likely to invite you to practice if you find something about it that you enjoy. In general, then, it is a good thing to enjoy your meditation practice.
But What If You Don't Enjoy Meditation?
Now, what if you have been meditating for a while and you don't enjoy meditation? This is something that is bound to come up for most of us, but what can we do about it?
If this were me, my first step would be to see if I can identify the issue. Sometimes things like the time or location we practice, the physical set up for our practice, or the style of practice can be the culprit. Making adjustments or finding better ways to support ourselves can work wonders.
Perhaps a better option might be to work with a teacher or find a meditation community. Years ago, a five-minute interview with a teacher on a retreat told me it was time to loosen my grip on focus practices and shift to open awareness. That led to insights I had never had before and turned my practice into a respite rather than a battleground.
You can also consider taking a break from practice for a while, trying another mind-body practice, or brainstorming ways to make you practice a bit more restful and enjoyable.
Conclusion
Meditation is not an easy practice, but I believe it is something that can and should generally be enjoyable to do. Many sessions will be tough and we should all watch out for expectations that our practice produce only blissful experiences. With that said, enjoying practice is a good thing because it may motivate us to practice. In addition, learning that and how to enjoy a practice like meditation can teach us a lot about life and ourselves.
Want to learn more about mindfulness and compassion? Check out my new book, How to Be a Badass Lawyer, for a simple guide to creating a meditation practice of your own in 30 days. And to share mindfulness with your little one, check out my new children's book, Mommy Needs a Minute.
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