Divorce is not an easy subject, the more when kids are involved. When I was getting my divorce I wasn't feeling ready to battle. I just wanted it to end as soon as possible. But now my situation isn't any better yet I am not going to postpone anything for even a day longer.

There are two options when both of the parents have custody of the kids. You either give all responsibility to that one parent or you share 50/50. Nevertheless, no matter which option you choose your childrens life will be changed forever. They either lose a parent or won't be able to define the meaning of home since they will have two houses they would switch in between.

I know the feeling of confusion and abondemend better than anyone else. Don't ask me why I gave the same kind of scenario to my kids. I've never planned for this. You maybe won't be able to see it but deep down I struggle with my decisions. Astrology allowed me to look deep inside of me. I saw myself through others eyes and I am aware I often make decisions based on my emotions. That's why I also wait until I calm down to see a clear picture. Then I proceed with my plans if the feelings about the matter stay the same. It doesn't only decrease the risks of entering a loophole of misjudgement but also disappointments. That's why I assure you my decision to divorce wasn't a whim. We were not happy and it affected our parenthood.

My exhusband probably won't change his ways. He will be frustrated and never really have time to communicate with the kids. But I have a chance to actually become a better person. My road will not be easy. A single mom with two kids, boys at that, has never a calm life. But I know that one day I also will be financially stable. I'm working to achieve that stability every day.

Austin and Aaron got a thing for strategical games 🎮

So how do we plan dividing our responsibilities towards the kids ?

First I am waiting to settle the matter of getting an apartment of my own and a job because winters and summers are tough when it comes to economy. Once I settle down, the kids will live with me and meet Prajwol on the weekends until he finds someone that is willing to stay with them at late nights if we were to do this 50/50 thing. But to be honest I do not believe it will hold. I may not have much money but I am available for the children. I go out with them, we read books, bake and draw. Of course I don't do it as often as I would like to. Being a student and these group assignments take a lot of time and effort but I'm doing my best. Their dad on the other side is so tired because of his working schedule that he sleeps most of the time. Our children need constant attention. He does not understand how much money it takes to actually find someone to fill the spot of a caregiver, I do. Besides how long could this last?

Aaron and his dinosaur art 🎨

Aaron is our eldest. He is going to start elementary school in August 2023. When he starts he cannot keep travelling from one place to other. It will affect his learning process and the possibility to make friends. I cannot allow for that to happen just because of someones need to controll. My speech may be harsh at times bit I love them so deep, without them I don't exist. No matter how naughty they are, they are my everything.

Many difficult decisions to make my friends. And many unexpected changes as well. But I will stay strong despite being disowned by my own family. Because I have these little humans that need me.

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