Being mom….
Well, the current teenager in residence hates me. I'm honestly too mad to feel it but I know later it'll hit me. Why, you might ask, do I say she hates me? Because I took her phone away.
Shock! Awe! Dismay! GASP!!! I know, right. Now, she's in rebellious teenager mode blasting music from her TV and probably thinking of ways to get away from me. I'm numb to it. At least for now.
For now, I have a headache and my blood pressure is probably teetering dangerously close to the danger zone. And not the one Tom Cruise soars through with ease. I'm toying with the idea of not cooking dinner - Hamburger Helper -her favorite by the way. And the wine in my fridge is looking very tempting. Sweet Cheese-its it's only Monday. I'm in trouble.
Later though, after I've cooked dinner - because I even feed people who are ticked off at me- and I've cleaned up the water from her shower, it will hit me. It always does. My momma friends out there know what I'm talking about. Those feelings.
Those feelings that scream how you're the worst mom ever. The ones that say how dare you upset your sweet child. The ones that make you question why God would give you such beautiful little humans to care for and all you want to do is knock them upside the head with a Bible. You know, those feelings. Sometimes they come with tears. Other times depression that leads to copious amounts of refined sugar. The ones that linger no matter how many times your husband assures you that you really are a great mom.
We teach our kids all about consequences of their actions. Break the rules and there's gonna be trouble. Toss attitude and more trouble follows. Pretty standard stuff. Yet, she's mad and bewildered when I take her phone because her teacher emailed me about her having it out in class. Color me confused because my rule is it belongs in your locker during the school day. Riddle me this Batman- if it's supposed to be in your locker, how'd you get busted by the teacher in class? Inquiring minds wanna know….
Yup. Bad mom of the year right here folks. And, why not toss the wayward brother in moms face while we are at it. It's my fault, after all, that he had an influence on her because I encouraged them to get along. Please pardon me for wanting good sibling relationships. Whatever was I thinking. Let's not forget my hovering about assignments and grades are the reason he couldn't stand being here. Yes, let's rub that into the paper cuts as well.
If people ever wonder why parents of teens threaten to run away, it's this right here. Because right now I want to be like a Lenny Kravitz song and run away. Y'all, she tested every ounce of patience and restraint this afternoon. I didn't yell, but I let her know I wasn't one of her little friends. I did let loose the look that makes grown men cower backing her up a step or two.
Somewhere along the road of this parenting journey, something got lost or I went left instead of right. Disdain and attitude are not things I expect to see from my children. But I did today. Disrespect and indifference are not replies I expect to receive. But I did today. I don't know where I made a wrong turn. And I'm paying for it.
So, even though my head hurts and my chest aches, I'm going to go make dinner because that's what I do. To all my other moms of teenagers, may the odds be ever in your favor.
Can I be done…
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