Here it comes again, that dreaded feeling that weighs one down. When i feel so tired, undervalued and just unhappy. Every day comes and goes and its just a cycle because there is no deliberate downtime to just relax and do something for myself. I am always taking care of others but just not as much myself.

Do not get me wrong! Of course i go out once a while with my husband and more often with our children but my mind is always racing and rushing to be busy with household things and work.

What went wrong, the past week i have had a roller coaster of emotions and feeling very much resentful. I worked so hard but some of the things i work hard for is my blog and my new INUKA fragrance business. That should be enough to keep me jumping out of bed but it no longer got me excited.

I work fulltime and i am always between work, business and my home with my husband and our children. I should be happy right! I have a wonderful family that i love so much. I though that alone should be enough.

But it wasn't!

Then it hit me! I keep pouring and pouring for people i take care about and i do not take much care of myself . Do not get me wrong, i go out for coffee now and then, we take the children out a lot too because they are Homeschooled! So we prioritise their outings.

I have never taken the time to intentionally reward myself!

I remember before we had our 3rd baby, i would

  1. Go shopping ; guys i love fashion, i love dressing up but i have not done that since i was pregnant with my 3rd baby. I would buy that one dress and that one shoe but i would not splurge on myself even after I'm paid my salary.
  2. Go to the salon; i do not know about you ladies but this is so therapeutic for me. I love spending those 4 hours to just look pretty and go home refreshed. It worked wonders. It may not be limited to salon visits but maybe visiting the spa.
  3. Vacations; convincing yourself you have to keep accumulating money but not take time to enjoy the money you work for will leave you resentful.
  4. Gym without rewards; i told myself i needed to lose weight and had a target . I reached my target long ago but i never gave myself credit and bought fitting clothes and show off that body. This is a great miss.
  5. I started my blog and business but i never celebrated and focused on the clients and followers i already had and developed a great relationship with them.

This is clearly an imbalance that i never noticed. How could we keep ourselves from living so much out of balance.

Remember the things that you love, the things you did before you had children that may still be in your heart. These are the things that keep you going in working hard on your dreams.

Goal setting!

We are always taught to set goals and work hard in achieving those goals. However we are not really taught to celebrate our wins no matter how small they look.

I remember setting a weight loss goal and you would not believe its been three years already but i have never celebrated reaching my goal weight. This can make you resentful of other people who reward themselves and are happy. This is because you made yourself believe you do not achieve anything because there is nothing you celebrate.

I trained diligently and adopted new eating habits but i had not even bought myself any gym gear and i would often wonder why i have to motivate myself to gym so much now compared to the time i started. This is because i made myself believe i have not achieved anything because i did not reward myself or at least celebrated my achievements.

The moment i realised this i went out and bought myself matching gym gear and i deserve it. Its been a long weight loss journey that i have turned into a healthy fitness lifestyle.

Suppressing your wants to put others first

I mentioned above that i am the fashion mom but i have not shopped much for myself because i keep putting other people's needs ahead of mine. This is a good thing but if you deprive myself it will affect you negatively, i need to get myself the things i love so i can wake up and remember that working diligently will get me nice things and the comfortable life i desire.

We all have things we love, i have loved looking good since i was a toddler. I seized to be relevant in the fashion world because i did not buy myself anything for the past three years. I bought that dress and one shoe once a while.

So go ahead and plan for that shopping spree that will not leave you on a financial deficit.

Waiting for the right time to be happy

We postpone rewarding ourselves because we are waiting for the right moment which apparently never comes until we deliberately plan for it. I usually hear most people who are successful business owners that you need to pay yourself first. This financial strategy suggests you save some money for yourself and you can yse thus cash when you need it. This cash can be used as a reward to yourself because you can use it when you need cash either for a large purchase, down payment for your house or a vacation.

Leisure is more important than we realise. It opens your mind and allows you to move away from your daily routine. Its a great way to reward yourself and your family.

Accumulating money with no plan so you can finally spend when you have "enough"

It is common for anyone to tell themselves that they are accumulating money until they can spend it but never feel it is enough. Planning is good because you are responsible for your own life but overthinking as a friend said can be a stumbling block too.

Look at where you are and analyse whatever you desire to do for yourself if you will be okay financially after you spoil yourself. There are ways to reduce your spending on the things you desire and use google it helps a lot.

Believing you do not deserve the best

You can live life and not realise that you have made certain agreements with yourself that sabotage your life. You find within yourself are lingering thoughts that you do not deserve the things you want or at times you can be confused by people who look down on your wants as useless than theirs. You know these things and you notice them as you have conversations with other people.

Spend time with people that value you. You will see them by their fruits. If they always make fun of the things you love to do that are not harmful to others and yourself then you may reconsider spending too much time with such people.

Looking down on your own accomplishments

Learn to celebrate the small and big wins. I remember just how long i desired to start a blog and another business that focuses on skincare and beauty. I got so excited about these pursuits i would jump off bed easily in the mornings until the excitement went away. I felt like i had too little of a following and very few clients with my new business.

As i related how i felt to my husband he reminded me just how much of an achievement it was for me to start a blog, my new small business and a you tube channel. He mentioned that many people plan to start something but never start. I eventually put the you tube channel on hold because i felt like i needed to improve the quality of my videos and background. However i started and i need to improve from there.

I realised that all i wanted when i started the mom blog i had achieved. I wanted to reach young ladies who are mothers and other young people aspiring to have families one day. A few people engage and follow this blog and that is a great start. I can establish great relationships with these wonderful ladies and learn so much from them too.

My new business has few clients however if i can maintain a great relationship with these clients and retain them i am doing well than i give myself credit.

So wherever you are in life, celebrate those wins all little and big.

The life of a parent

Being a parent demands your time for these young adorable little children. It is easy to look down on what you do as a mom and dad because it may be expected of you.

There is so much to celebrate,

  • The children are healthy
  • You manage to get them to bed
  • They eat well
  • You afford to take care of them
  • You get hire a caretaker for them when you are at work
  • Spend every available time with them
  • They are your priority
  • You cook for them daily or whenever you can

I am reminding you that there is so much you do, live a little, celebrate, dance, buy yourself your best outfit, go to the spa, wear what you want, go on vacation, go read a book at a restaurant, take a walk, even on budget organise a braai with your children and when you do the things you love do them hard and enjoy every moment you do. If you love makeup like myself, sign up for a class (i have not but i most definitely will now) and just keep getting better at what you love.

Wrapped with love❤

Futhi Mkhwanazi

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