I can't blame him – my husband and I have potty mouths and don't usually filter the way we speak or what we talk about in front of our boys.
And as you know, our teams (whether at work or home) will do what we DO rather than do what we SAY.
Still, it's not ok with me that my 7-year-old swears.
"But Mama, when I get frustrated, it feels SO GOOD to swear!" he told me.
"I know it does," I validated him. "It feels good when I swear too! And still, since you're not an adult, it's not ok for you to be swearing like that."
I could have taken away his iPad or another privilege, but I remembered that children (and the teams you lead at work) learn best through natural consequences where they experience the ordinary result that follows from their mistake or slip-up, so taking away his iPad would have hurt a little, but not helped him develop responsibility and a new mindset around swearing.
"Bud," I said to him, "For the most part, you make really smart choices. And I know you have the tools within you to figure out other ways to cope when you are frustrated. I want you to make me a list of other things you can do when you feel the urge to swear."
(When we are trying to change a bad habit, having a list of other ways we will respond to the trigger helps us be more successful. This is practicing the 2nd pillar of emotional intelligence: Self Management.
For example, if you want to quit drinking a glass of wine every night to unwind, your list of other options for unwinding might include taking a bubble bath, drinking chamomile tea, practicing breathwork, or having a dance party in your kitchen. The list makes it easier for our decision-fatigued brain to follow through.)
The next morning at breakfast, he presented his list to me, written in beautiful 2nd-grade handwriting (pic below!):
- Walk away and take deep breaths.
- Say how I feel.
- Stay calm.
- Just don't swear.
You can tell he lives with an emotional intelligence (EQ) speaker and coach. 😊
His list is so very wise and high-EQ, I wanted to share it with you for the next time you feel upset, frustrated, or catch your kids with a potty mouth.
Can you see this working for you?
Lots of love,
Your coach,
💜Sara
P.S. My fall speaking and training schedule is filling up fast. If you'd like to explore me facilitating an EQ workshop with your leadership team or audience, book a call for us to chat right here.
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