Good morning my dear journal. I'm glad I actually forced myself to write the other day. I feel as if I allowed myself to start thinking again. Sounds silly but it's true. During that journal entry I did what I usually do when I feel as if I have nothing to write about, I stumbled on clarity. I had a strange revelation about purpose within life which only prompted further probing and insight.
It dawned on me that the concept of "purpose" is more of a societal brainwashing than a reality. I believe they've used the deep seeded fear of our own mortality against us to manipulate the narrative of our existence. It wouldn't be difficult to do. Even the strongest fear of being forgotten, not standing for anything during this time, or merely evaporating without a sigh. That is a dreadful thought. However, it doesn't necessarily mean we need to torture ourselves in this life by forcing a life not meant for us.
We all enjoy the finer things every now and again, some need it as a constant. I myself am one who prefers to indulge and enjoy rarely in what others consider luxury. Instead, I am one of simplicity, beauty and harmony. Based on my personality those do not equate to a high-income lifestyle. As stated in my previous entry, I am far more appreciative of what this planet has to offer as opposed to looking towards what "man" thinks is splendor. With that being said, I have realized that, if I needed to define my "purpose", it would most assuredly be my spirit learning to accept my own spiritual journey regardless of how it deviates, and formally denounces, the ideals and cultural training of my generation.
I am endlessly grateful for this epiphany as I am becoming more accepting of my life's path, which, naturally, in turn, is giving me deeper insight into my self. Which is all I have begged for since my husband and I have been separated. There are things I still need to work towards, such as my work. I will no longer consider it my career because I feel as if that means I am allowing my income to define who I am. That no longer holds true for me. It is simply what I do to make my life what I want and need it to be. The trick now is figuring out how to enjoy that ride.
My parents told me from the beginning that I should discover what I love doing in life and learn to make money on it. I swore that was what I did, and perhaps, in that time, it was. However, I have grown out of that phase of my life and am realizing that what I wanted for so many years no longer serves me. Now I am out on that road, again, rediscovering my passions. I will say, being someone who can be the voice for myself that reasonates my spiritual message to others in the same place is the most fulfilling thing I can do right now. To realize that others are on the same journey as I, with the same obstacles, celebrations, tragedies, and unexpected successes, is oddly healing for me. I suppose it would be for anyone. I mean, we're just human, right?
Unfortunately, or not, I am not one for formal education. I never have been. And let's be real, it no longer stands for what it truly should in this day in age. So what does that mean for me? And perhaps the people my experiences and revelations could help? I don't know, yet. How do I make this something that could actually reach others without the concern of financial welfare? Again, I don't know. Honestly, the financial aspect genuinely means nothing at all to me. But the ability to send my stories to someone, anyone, that might benefit from it, that matters enormously. But how do I do it?
I have tried WordPress. I have tried doing some jinky Instagram crap. Yes. Crap. But I am at a loss for what else I can do next. Let alone standing in the middle of a crowded intersection like a preaching religious obsessive, what do I do to get my message to those who may need it? I suppose that's the next chapter of my spiritual journey. And I accept this mission with eagerness and love. Let's do it!
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