Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
Mark 11:24
Signing off from my online tutoring job earlier this month, I set aside my computer, unsure how this "writing thing" was going to look moving forward.
When I set out to write a book two years ago, I thought I'd be done by now (funny how our timing is not God's timing). In the first 7 months, I rapidly researched, wrote, and edited three chapters and had an agent interested in my book idea. I was able to attend a few writing conferences both in-person and online, and I seemed to be on a roll with putting this book idea into action.
However, within a few months of editing and finishing those chapters, my writing slowed down significantly, financial strain pushed me back into work (mostly out of fear), and I didn't hear from that agent after submitting my chapters.
I questioned whether I was cut out for writing a book or whether I'd ever have time to write again. Granted, I had time here and there to write, but it was nothing consistent. Between prioritizing my family and tutoring on my computer for 2-3 hours a day, I had no desire to stay on a screen to write.
But each time I had the opportunity to write, I felt alive. Even though I didn't have the consistent time to do it, I felt the "call" to seek God in prayer. Strangely (or not), in this inconsistent time of writing, and waiting to write, I've been at peace. This has been an enormous blessing I only attribute to God's work within me.
For the longest time, I believed my value was based on what I produced rather than who I am in Christ. He's helped me to see and know that my value is not based on whether I get this book pushed out by a certain timeline. I'm valuable because He loves me and calls me His child.
While the "waiting to write" has been a challenge some days, it's also been a gift. For one, I have a greater appreciation for when I do get to write. As I sit in my local coffee house, I'm beyond grateful to have this opportunity to sit, reflect, and joyfully type away in thanks to God for this time. More importantly, I have a much greater appreciation for my role at home as a homemaker, wife, and mother. Going back to work helped me learn (through firsthand experience) that it wasn't the time or place for me to jump back into the workforce. I've learned to love, value, and truly appreciate my role at home during this season of life.
Most importantly, God has shown me the value of prayer. While writing a book is a dream of mine, and I believe it's a God-given desire He's placed on my heart, I can be content in the waiting while placing the desires of my heart before Him.
Waiting is an opportunity to slow down and reflect. While it can be all too easy to give up or shove our desires and dreams aside, God wants us to rely on Him through prayer. We can be thankful and content while still prayerfully contending for what's on our hearts. And no matter the results, the Lord will remind us of what's most important and align our desires with His. He gives us peace beyond understanding when we seek and rely on Him.
In prayerfully seeking God for the time and wisdom to write, I see a light ahead, a glimmer of hope that tells me, "You're not done yet". Life never stands still, and change is always over the horizon. While summer is well on its way, and I predict my writing time will be limited over these next few months, I see autumn fast approaching when both of my kids will be in school full-day for the first time. My time, and how I use it will be changing once again. In the meantime, I'm thankful for this time of prayerful waiting.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.
Proverbs 16:3
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.
1 John 5:14
Photo by Brady Knoll: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-person-inside-cave-2812193/
