Don't let it get away…
Excuse my U2 moment lol! Somehow we are on the 8th day of a new year. I feel like I've lived six months in the last ten days! Life has been moving at warp speed and I find myself floundering at times. Toss in a couple of snow days for the Duchess and life is truly tipsy-turvy.
I'm a generally organized soul. I have a paper planner I love and use daily. It quite literally looks like a pencil exploded all over it. I set reminders on digital calendars and in my phone. I make lists. Create checklists. Create goals. All the things. But….
Our cross-country move, house limbo, and wonky adjustment has me feeling discombobulated. (I just love that word) For those just meeting me, hi! I'm Jamonica and I'm a recovering perfectionist with stress induced obsessive compulsive tendencies! I like schedules and order and exist in a universe of discipline and to-do lists. Paints a pretty picture, doesn't it?
Our host family is amazing. We couldn't have asked for better people to literally open their home to us and our messy teenager. (I love her but she's a mess) But, my life is in boxes. Literally. I find myself looking for ways to be useful. To clean something. Or cook something. Or help in some way because I'm the person that does that sort of thing. I did the cooking and the cleaning and running of the things! I did laundry today and almost felt normal! And please know, I'd rather do dishes all day than do laundry!
Combating the feeling of unsettled listlessness has been tough. Creeping thoughts of freeloading prickle the back of my mind. Worry dogs my steps. Am I not doing enough? Are we in the way? Is the Princess driving them crazy? What more can I do? My mind is often a terrifying place to live.
On those days, I take ten and hide in the bathroom. Then I take a few deep breaths and remind myself that doubt and fear are not who I am. That our situation is only temporary. And that things like this aren't meant to break me but build me, strengthen me, and grow me. Now, if I could just get the teenager to make her bed🙄
I will be forever grateful for the family who only met us once and opened their hearts and homes to the three of us. And, I'll be equally excited when we sell our house back east and begin to settle into a home and further settle into our new community.
Now, to go finish listening to Beautiful Day so I'm not singing it all night in my sleep….
Winter Sunset
