It's late, and I am already having a hard time concentrating, but I thought I'd give a small update.
The anger has POOF! disappeared. It's just gone. I mean, I still get angry at things, but this irrational and inconsolable RAGE is gone. I actually had a pretty decent weekend with my boyfriend.
That the rage is just gone is really amazing to me, still. It's been a week now and I am just ... in awe. One "silly" trauma technique later and I feel SO MUCH better!
The irrational anger towards the American family is also gone. I am mostly sad now, about how things worked out - or rather, how they DIDN'T work out. But the original abandonment trauma was also connected to the Americans, and it seems I worked through that - or at least we, the current set of headmates, did.
My therapist asked me again today, right in the beginning: do I want to keep working with her? I said, I don't want to change, but I guess we'll see. And then I told her that 5 out of 6 therapists I'd asked told me "no" because of the DID. And then 6th one is the one I saw in person, and she's insecure. But two of them recommended the same woman who also seems to work in the city where I used to live. My therapist told me to just write to her and see if I can get in for an appointment and get a look at her. Which I was like ... okaaaaay? What does that mean exactly? After our session she mentioned it again - and I can't help but think that maybe our session wasn't very productive in her eyes. And I can't keep second guessing her and myself like that. Ugh. It's horrible! So I WILL consider it as a success, because to me it was very interesting.
We connected to a 12-year-old, a shy girl, awkward and scared in social situations. She's the one that stutters around other people and that gets really worked up about people she likes becoming her friends... It's probably SUPER off putting to other people when she is out, which is why some (or really: most) keep their distance. The body just ISN'T 12 anymore (Thank GOD! Lol) and the way she interacts with people is probably more than a little odd.
Man, I often wonder how all that must look to an outsider who sees us fairly regularly but has no idea what's going on with us with the DID and all - like the basketball people. There's this soft-spoken woman, gentle and kind. Then she's loud and hyper and has a biting sense of humor. Then there's this shy almost child-like demeanor ... and so many more. It must be SO weird for people who don't know we've got DID - probably even for those who DO know ...
Anyway, the solution, obviously, is to be a friend for the 12-year-old. I don't know her name, I don't think she has one, so we'll probably do that as a first thing: find a name for her! 
She wished for a friend to hang out in their pajamas with her, watching a movie and eating popcorn. So we'll do that, soon, too. Just her and all of us inside that are currently active and interested, hanging out on the couch, with the dogs and a big bowl of popcorn.
It's getting late and I still have to reread this and edit probably quite a bit, so I'll stop here. So:
Good night beautiful people!
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