I am still looking for my true self
the one that God made
not the one molded by my circumstances
not the one defined by my captors
hardened by the hideousness of
life-as-prison
But where is she
my true self?
From the beginning rejected
mocked and belittled into hiding
hiding so deep
so good at hiding
behind camouflaged multi-locked doors
even I can't find her anymore
wouldn't know her if I did find her now
wouldn't recognize that stranger
Only love can find her
Only love can define her
"To say that I am made in the image of God is to say that love is the reason for my existence, for God is love. Love is my true identity. Selflessness is my true self. Love is my true character. Love is my name." -- Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation
"The first thing that struck me when I came to live in a house with mentally handicapped people was that their liking and disliking me had absolutely nothing to do with the many useful things I had done until then … The experience was and, in many ways, is still the most important experience of my new life, because it forced me to rediscover my true identity. These broken, wounded, and completely unpretentious people forced me to let go of my relevant self — the self that can do things, show things, prove things, build things — and forced me to reclaim that unadorned self in which I am completely vulnerable, open to receive and give love regardless of any accomplishments." -- Henri J.M. Nouwen, My True Identity, Daily Meditation, February 1, 2023
... put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Colossians 3:10
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)
Wait. Do you think that maybe the reason why I can't find that mangled, rejected/ejected self-person is because she no longer exists? Am I looking in the wrong place?
Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on … Philippians 3:13-14 (NLT)
Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention: Forget your people and your father's house. Psalm 45:10
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20
Love is my true identity.
Photo copyright by Sheila Bair
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