And truly letting God
And, for me, it isn't easy or pretty.
Moving across the country isn't easy. Doing it with a teenager is daunting. Moving across the country with an emotionally charged teenager is like wrapping your hand around a lit firecracker and hoping you pull back and all of your fingers are still attached. While she had an off day this week, that wasn't even the most daunting part of the week.
Finding out the house we'd put an offer on has to be let go as the sellers are in a position where they need to sell. That was painful. Seeing three different potential buyers decide not to put an offer on your house after getting your hopes up. That's downright hurtful.
When the hubs told me we'd have to let go of the house we'd fallen in love with, tears threatened and spilled. Slowly. Quietly. But they spilled nonetheless. For so long I'd held myself in check. I didn't plan too much. Didn't paint or decorate it. Just let it linger in the corner of my mind. As we drove down two weeks ago, I painted the living room in my mind. I made lists of supplies I'd need to add board and batten throughout the lower level. I imagined built-ins in the family room. And the walk-in pantry we are going to build….a thing of beauty. I got my hopes up. I got ahead of God.
And slipped on my own expectations. So, after I let my few tears spill, I reeled in my emotions. And my expectations. I wanted things my way.
Through this whole process, my mantra has been "whatever God has for us is what will be". Surely, He wanted us to have the house we loved. Right? lol. One of my biggest challenges has been trying to make my expectations be His plan. Oh, I know better. I do. But it doesn't stop me from thinking what I want is clearly what He wants as well.
Am I sad we won't be settling into the house we'd fallen in love with. Yup. Am I irritated our house back east hasn't sold yet. You betcha. And I questioning why God hasn't moved us on in this journey? Nope. I know there's a plan. His plan. I just have to be patient and stop trying to make His plan fit my expectations.
And until the next steps are revealed, I'll let it go. And let Him work….
Back to the start
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