Life took over this past year for me.
If I have to pick one that affected life most, it was caregiving. I had already been taking care of my Uncle and his affairs and, although he had dementia and under hospice, it really hit me hard when he did pass away. First of all, I wasn't super close to him and was not into taking care of him, I did it mainly for my sis, who needed me to give them rides, etc. When she was unable to continue, I shocked myself by sticking with him. Sure, he repeated the same things over and over (and over), but he never did forget me up until the end. What did I learn? Meet people where they are. There's nothing that I can do about someone's past, I'm not in control of their future, so I kept things super simple and if Uncle was in the 1970s one day, so was I; if he was in the 1940's the next, so was I, and so on and so on. I got to know my Uncle again and grew to love him.
Fast forward to Fall of this year. I took care of my lil nieces, our Y girls, full time while their mother looked for a house for the entire family. The girls will be going home with their mother in the next couple of days. Am I emotional? Super emotional. How did this experience change my life? I had to put them first, no question about it. I gave them a routine and the certainty that they could count on Nina Carmen no matter what. I was also super honest with them and let them know that "Nina Carmen needs her space" as I left them home with Dad for a couple of hours. It is my hope that my Y girls will remember their worth and to see themselves as I see them: confident, ready to take on their world, doing well in school and in life.
Learning to respect decisions that do not go my way will take time for me to fully grasp. However, once my legal case did not go my way, I was FURIOUS but figured that there MUST be a reason for how it all went down, I'll let you know once I find it. Acceptance is going to be something that I must grapple with more in 2024. Acceptance that it's not all about me all of the time, acceptance that people are not going to want the same things as I do, when I want them, acceptance of God's will in my life (and others' lives), everything will happen the way its's supposed to. I just hope that I have enough grace to accept whatever comes my way.
One thing I'm super proud of that I found in 2023. My sense of Aventada-ness. There were a couple of projects that I got super interested in and put together proposals of what I could do, and why they needed me LOL. It was so awesome to get that "yes" from people. Especially after Uncle passed, I felt that, if I was going to shake up my life again, than it would be NOW. I'm blessed to have contracts where I am able to do what I know, what I do best, what I WANT instead of what I have to do. 2024 will be the year for me to show what I'm about. I have never had jobs where I'm NOT stressed, where I'm not worried about what everyone thinks ... today, it's all about being myself, working it the way I know how, being out there in my community, leading others by example, being prepared. Doing things the right way and treating others right is what I was always taught to do -- but I was always hesitant, 'will they like me, will I be cool, will I get fired for speaking up?' That nonsense is almost gone out of my life -- now I am meeting myself where I am and keeping it real...and living with less stress and less need to "people please", it's great.
Looking forward to 2024. Happy New Year All!
Said goodbye to: cousin Gloria Grijalva, Uncle Louie Grijalva, cousin Rosie Prieto, Tia Elvira Torres, Greg Fox from my RadioFam.
Said hello to: New friendships, new job opportunities, finding time for my 'homie' friends
Started: The "Ponte Las Pilas" Walk/Run Challenge of 100 miles from now thru Valentine's Day. This lonja is NO joke. Starting to write again, I missed it so much.
Need to: say goodbye to soda, negative people who drain my energy, stay positive and authentic.
Celebrating: my familia, especially our Yasmin's 15th birthday, her upcoming quinceanera.
#52EssaysNextWave 1/52 #52SlicesOfChingonaLife #UnleashingYourInnerChingona
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