Mothering is one of those ways that women engage in verbal wars and shaming other mothers. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. My philosphy has always been parenting to the needs of the each child. The fundemental rules always applied across the board. Families are made up of different personalities, temperments, and family members experience the same experiences in different ways. One really has to parent to the temperment of the child if you really want to teach rather than punish.
The mommy comment that infuriates the most is the question why our children have chores when I am a stay at home mother. I do work from home and I homeschool. I believe that children from a very early age should help with the work. It builds confidence, self-reliance, empathy and countless other character building. I have always used the term, let's work together on this space. For example, the family room is easily taken over by our artist. I enjoy her being in the shared space. We struggled with her art dominating the space. I was tired of her giving prompts. I walked by the livingroom and it looked like Andy Warhol had thrown up in my livingroom and rolled in. I sighed, and dressed the table with my quilting project and my sewing machine on the dining room table. I placed the dinner plates around it. My husband looked at me puzzled. I raised an eyebrow. Ah, paradoxical intervention, he mouthed. Our daughter looked at me like I had lost my mind. We continued eating. There was the typical teenage response, "I hate this family, why are you so weird?" Then, she got up after dinner and cleaned up the art mess in the living room. Chore time is also a great time for talking with teens. There are so many young adults who lack interpersonal skills, basic cooking skills, and other skills. Just yesterday, I was at the grocery store listening to a 19 year old who didn't realize you could pop popcorn on the stove.
Yesterday, in my Youtube comments, I had a nasty comment about my refusal to serve processed prepackaged foods. I didn't have a problem with the comment, I had a problem being called a bitch. I cook from whole ingredients and fresh every night. If I chose to use a freezer meal, it is one that I have cooked and frozen myself. I cook from scratch because that is a standard I have elected to do for my family.
Mothers are doing the best they can. Many mothers do not have the skills or energy to get beyond the basics for many reasons. I see it in public all the time. Kids not dressed neatly or the hair done, behavior out of control. Yesterday's shopping trip also had a 8 year old child that kept knocking me in the the back of the leg with a cart. I spoke to him 6 times. The mother was checked out for whatever reason. My husband loudly thanked me for being a strict parent after he was hit with the cart. He turned around and asked the mother who was reading National Enquirer to do something about her kid. She remarked, "Well, Joey is bored, lighten up." The point is we do not know if this child had Autism, or a developmental disorder, mom could have a chronic illness, or be suffering from addiction. However, it takes a village, if your child hits me repeatedly with a cart, I am going to speak with him. The lines were long, so we were stuck in line. I had tried to address the issue with verbal prompts, switched places with my husband. The final straw for me was when he threw a box of stuffing at me. I walked over and handed the stuffing to his mother. I said very firmly, "Get your child under control, or I will get the manager." Which is what I ended up doing, after he threw a can of peas at me.
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