There was a moment on the campaign trail with Gov. Ron DeSantis in which he attempted to humanize himself by telling a reporter that he wanted a "golden lab."
Let's hope, for the dog's sake, that this plan for the DeSantis family was just a talking point for the failed presidential candidate to make him seem relatable to people who aren't unhappy anti-woke warrior robots.
Any dog within kicking distance of those definitely-not-lifted gubernatorial boots is going to be dialing the animal abuse hotline if it can figure out how to get around the problem of having claws instead of opposable thumbs.
And that is the metaphor that best answers the central and ongoing question plaguing Tallahassee's political class: Which Ron DeSantis just came back from the presidential campaign trail?
We'd like to have the DeSantis of yesteryear; the one fresh from his first Governor's race who defied partisan worries by championing the environment and other bygone middle-of-the-road-type policymaking.
But what it seems we're getting is the vengeful, angry DeSantis who will be the public official equivalent of a drunk dad returning from a all-night bender itching to kick the family pooch.
I thought it might take a couple of months before we knew for sure. But, alas, it turns out less than a week is sufficient time to show us where this is going.
Hide the dog.
Sources have told me that DeSantis has implemented a new edict that departures from his administration are on hold until at least Summer, if not next year. Anyone who leaves would be blacklisted, according to sources.
After DeSantis slashed about $130 million of Agriculture Commissioner Wilton Simpson's budget priorities last year, Simpson took to News Service of Florida reporter Dara Kam's podcast to dish on the slight, noting that "karma's a bitch." Now, sources have told Florida Politics that DeSantis' Director of Policy and Budget, Chris Spencer, is preparing for more redlines in the upcoming budget targeting Simpson, who endorsed Trump the same day DeSantis dropped out of the presidential race.
Adding more evidence that Florida's Governor is quite salty, lawmakers scrapped a plan to use taxpayer funds to pay Trump's legal bills after DeSantis threatened to veto it. You'll remember, DeSantis endorsed Trump when he dropped out of the race, but it wasn't exactly a glowing endorsement.
And then there's this: DeSantis' most prominent defenders and online shit-stirrers, Christina Pushaw and Jeremy Redfern, are still tweeting their hearts out jabbing the media for the campaign's many perceived slights.
It's clear that DeSantis remains completely on brand: vindictive, petty, divisive and focused on causing pain rather than fixing problems.
In other words, every character flaw that Primary voters sensed within minutes after meeting DeSantis is now on full display in Florida, amplified by the bitterness of defeat.
It's going to be a long three years, and if you're a dog, a long 21 years. And trust me, in the Governor's view, we're all dogs.
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