An assignment (from a friend): write about how I saw myself and how I'm trying to see myself, a rambling.
15 years ago, I was a shy, sheltered, hiding behind people, didn't speak my mind kind of a person. I was afraid of everything & everyone. I would let everyone make the decisions for me. I would keep to myself and just follow the crowed. I was always hiding. Didn't see myself clearly and just didn't really care to be honest. I took care of everyone. I helped out my mom's side of the family and dad's side of the family. Doing what was needed. I kept quiet and just listened to everyone. I gave advice when asked but I would never give my opinion if I wasn't asked.
Everyone said I was the reliable one, the one someone could text or call, and I would be there in a blink of an eye. I let people step all over me and wouldn't say a word. I didn't know myself at all. I would hide in the crowd. I wouldn't go out somewhere alone. If no one was going out I would stay home. I read a lot, wrote whatever came to my mind. I would watch movies, listen to music. I would spend time together with my sisters and their friends.
Don't get me wrong I had friends. But it seemed I was never on the same page as them. I was different (not just by my looks), but how I thought and what I liked. I didn't really drink or smoke. I was just me. Shy, quiet, observant, and loyal Sarah. I never saw myself a sexy, far from. I felt like an ugly duckling. Especially with my family and friends. I was the cute one. But never pretty or beautiful. Definitely not sexy or confident.
Lately, I've been speaking my mind more, I've been challenging myself. I try to do something that scares me at least once or twice a week. I've been setting boundaries and if I don't vibe with you, then I won't be friends with you. I go on vibe and connections. I know I'm weird and I'm not a 'normal' female. I've been trying to embrace it more and more. I've been trying to figure out who I am and what I want from life.
I trying to see myself as this strong female who speaks her mind, has a good head on her shoulders, smart, funny & kind. I want to make a good impression on people, and I want to make a difference in someone(s) life. I want to know that I matter and when I die that my life had meaning to it.
I want to explore more; I don't want to be as afraid to just take a chance and do what I want no matter what. I'm trying to see myself as a sexy & confident woman. I'm trying to see my worth. I know I have a lot to offer people and I'm trying to prove that to myself, no one else. I assume if someone can't see my worth then why do I want to be with them. I'm trying to figure out who I am and what I want in life. What I like and what I don't like.
I know it will be time and I know I'm still learning. But it's fun and I can't wait to experience more and live more. I wouldn't change anything because everything that has happened to me, has made me who I am today. And I love that.
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