It's been a year and a month... Wow. Hi people! The last time we wrote here, we talked about our anger. About being fair and setting the picture right and whatnot... The thing is, we aren't always fair to ourselves, either.
This last year, we've spent a lot of time in search for some self-compassion. We're finding it here and there, in the nooks and crannies of our mind. It's rough seas out there, we're trying to navigate by the sunshine of the happy days and the moonlight of the unhappy ones. Sometimes light will only be visible through its reflection (in other people's hearts and faces).
We have been single for over a year now and it's done us (as so often) a world of good. We tend to lose ourselves in our various partners, be they male or female. We just lose sight of who we are, where it is we're at, where we want to go.
Recently, we, the first generation have woken up. We're starting to put all the pieces back together.
Therapy is hard, intense. It happens weekly, we wish for more, but we are so exhausted, more is probably not realistic at all.
We want to set the picture right? We can't. We don't have the full picture (yet).
Therapy work is so draining. We're starting to speak of some memories for the first time. We're learning to let others speak, headmates who've never spoken in therapy before. We bring art to therapy now and in it some headmates find they can voice their feelings and memories much better than with words.
We're not just "a very angry person". Yes, some of us are angry. Some of us carry some justified rage, and some are quick to provoke and lash out. But that is not all we are.
We are so much more. We're also the ones caring lovingly and kindly for our dogs and other animals that cross our path. We've got some happy careless children inside of us. The ever-troubled teenagers who love making art. The thoughtful adults. The philosophizing ones, the ones that make everything into an intellectual challenge. The damaged ones. The cold ones. The distanced ones. The children stuck in the past. The teens hopeful of a different future.
We are so many it would exhaust us to list it all - and still we would forget some here and there - in the nooks and crannies.
And we don't want to forget anymore. We want to finally remember.
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